Baseball Is Boring: Cubs-Dodgers Live Blog(05/26/2008) 
2:18
We are almost underway.   They celebrated Memorial Day by letting a bald eagle fly around Wrigley for a little while.   That was nice of them.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:18 
2:21
Here's a commercial for Bud Light Lime.   I guess they decided the only thing that kept Bud Light from tasting exactly like urine was a lack of citrus.   The acidity from the lime should just about do the trick.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:21 
2:21
Not, uh...not that I've ever drank Bud Light before.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:21 
2:23
WGN has revamped its image, it seems.   Their logo is now just a couple of eyes.   It's creeping me out.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:23 
2:24
A group of gentlemen in the bleachers are going shirtless and have painted the letters spelling "SORIANO" on their chests.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:24 
2:24
Hold while I figure out how many cuss words they could spell if they traded seats.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:24 
2:25
None.   Man, I bet they'd kill for another S.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:25 
2:26
I give them three innings before they get drunk, forget where they were sitting, and spell AIR SOON.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:26 
2:26
TOP OF THE FIRST
Monday May 26, 2008 2:26 
2:26
Juan Pierre digs in against Ryan Dempster.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:26 
2:27
Clutch situation early.   Full count.   Keep your poise, Juan!   Don't Pierre pants!
Monday May 26, 2008 2:27 
2:27
Juan Pierre walks.   I'm averaging two urine references per at-bat, but I think it's a little premature to be talking "all-time record".
Monday May 26, 2008 2:27 
2:28
Pierre steals second!   Not a great throw from Billy Backstop.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:28 
2:29
I have just been informed that Billy Backstop's birth name is Geovany Soto.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:29 
2:29
Either lines out to Fukudome in right.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:29 
2:31
Russell Martin at the plate.   The announcer comments that since he is from Canada, he is more inclined to "hit it oot" of the park than "hit it out."   A jack-of-all-trades, this gentleman with the microphone!
Monday May 26, 2008 2:31 
2:32
Martin chops it to Ramirez at third, who throws to Lee, who makes a great scoop off the dirt for the second out.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:32 
2:33
Jeff Kent dribbles it past Dempster.   Theriot miffs it, but Pierre gets all excited and decides to set up camp at 3.5 base.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:33 
2:34
He's picked off in a rundown.   I love seeing pickles like these.   Even a quick, energetic guy like Pierre can't manage to run back and forth quickly for more than like ten seconds.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:34 
2:34
If I were in that situation, I would try to create the longest pickle of all time.   Thirty minutes at a minimum.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:34 
2:35
BOTTOM OF THE FIRST
Monday May 26, 2008 2:35 
2:35
Soriano leads off against Billingsley.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:35 
2:36
Promptly flies out to Kemp in center, one away.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:36 
2:36
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
lol@ soriano 'working hard' in left
Monday May 26, 2008 2:36 swaeria
2:36
I don't know how you can actually stand in a field, wear a baseball cap, and run after a ball once every three to ten minutes, and be praised for "working hard."   Our society is broken and needs to be fixed.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:36 
2:37
Someday a real rain will come and wash us all off the streets.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:37 
2:37
Theriot steps up to the plate.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:37 
2:38
And he draws a walk.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:38 
2:38
Everyone has a different style of discarding his bat.   Theriot gently slides it across the dirt, as if it's a small child he's not particularly fond of.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:38 
2:38
Derrek Lee at the plate.   One on, one out.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:38 
2:39
HOME RUN!
Monday May 26, 2008 2:39 
2:40
Cubs 2, Dodgers 0.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:40 
2:40
Earlier, they mentioned a fellow making a rehab start for the Inland Empire.   I swore I didn't hear that correctly.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:40 
2:41
But then I looked it up.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:41 
2:41
If I played in a place called Inland Empire I'd play just well enough to stay there, but not well enough to get promoted.   F*** the money.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:41 
2:42
Ramirez grounds out, two gone.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:42 
2:43
And Fukudome pops out to that area just south of left field and just north of third base.   Third baseman DeVitt made a nice slide, but he was about twenty feet away from the ball.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:43 
2:43
DeVitt made a divot.   Jokes and jokes.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:43 
2:43
TOP OF THE SECOND
Monday May 26, 2008 2:43 
2:45
Mark Sweeney vs. Ryan Dumpster to start it off.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:45 
2:45
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
what on earth is 'wgn america'?
Monday May 26, 2008 2:45 swaeria
2:45
Well, WGN stands for World's Greatest Newspaper.   It's so great that it's actually a television station.   The world of print and ink is dying, friends!   Invest in television futures!
Monday May 26, 2008 2:45 
2:46
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Can't wait to hear about that Illinois hero who helped win the Civil War!
Monday May 26, 2008 2:46 Zach
2:46
Are you being facetious about Bozo the Clown?   Don't be facetious about Bozo the Clown.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:46 
2:46
Sweeney flied out, and Kemp struck out right after.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:46 
2:47
Soriano makes a running catch to out DeWitt.   With a W.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:47 
2:47
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
DeWitt, no?
Monday May 26, 2008 2:47 Guest
2:48
Yeah, DeWitt.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:48 
2:49
When Soriano ran after that ball, he kind of stuttered and slowed his pace right before catching it.   Reminds me of baseball video games.   The computer has already decided that the player is going to catch the ball, realizes it's making the player run ten feet past the ball, and turns some "oh, whoops" trick to ice-skate him backwards.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:49 
2:49
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Hahaha, Ryan Dumpster. I see what you did there.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:49 Zach
2:49
Hahaha, I swear to God I did not do that intentionally.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:49 
2:50
BOTTOM OF THE SECOND
Monday May 26, 2008 2:50 
2:52
Soto vs. Billingsley.   He dinks it off Billingsley, Kent scoops it up.   He prepares a couple of poached eggs, makes a couple of Eggs Benedict, is halfway through his meal and realizes that Soto is still chugging to first.   He throws him out and continues to enjoy a fine meal.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:52 
2:53
Edmonds flied out.   DeRosa...what?
Monday May 26, 2008 2:53 
2:53
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
K, foul tip
Monday May 26, 2008 2:53 swaeria
2:53
Sure, but it was strange to see him just dart back to the batter's circle.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:53 
2:54
At any rate, three away.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:54 
2:54
I'm looking at this Dodgers roster.   Billingsley, Kent, Kemp, Pierre...they should just raze Chavez Ravine and build a castle.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:54 
2:55
TOP OF THE THIRD
Monday May 26, 2008 2:55 
2:55
Cubs 2, Dodgers 0.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:55 
2:55
Dempster vs. Maza to start the inning.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:55 
2:57
One of the longer at-bats of the game so far.   Maza grounds a lot out, but sees a lot of balls before he does.   Maza balls.   I believe they made an episode of Seinfeld about this.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:57 
2:58
Billingsley grounds out, two gone.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:58 
2:58
[Comment From KCKC: ] 
Sweet Lou reminds me of a cheetah. In that he was winded before he even made it to the baseline.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:58 KC
2:59
You're talking about Luis Maza?   Lou Piniella is already Sweet Lou.   Can a game feature two Sweet Lous?   Which is the sweeter Lou?
Monday May 26, 2008 2:59 
2:59
I am terminating this thought-experiment before it progresses.
Monday May 26, 2008 2:59 
3:00
Pierre grounds out to Ramirez.   Everyone loves to crap on Juan Pierre, and I'm sick and tired of it.   That guy ran his ass off and made it a very close play.   He always did that.   He's a Teddy Ballgame in every sense of the word.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:00 
3:01
If you ignore his on-base percentage, I suppose.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:01 
3:02
The WGN folks are making a HUGE deal of their new HD broadcasts.   Is baseball less boring when watched in HD?   Does this analog broadcast only display the boring pixels?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:02 
3:03
BOTTOM OF THE THIRD
Monday May 26, 2008 3:03 
3:03
Dempster lines to short for the first out.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:03 
3:05
Soriano just misses a home run.   It wanders left of the pole, foul ball.   The SORIANO chest-painted buddies in the bleachers excitedly begin to re-arrange themselves to spell Oar Is On, sadly amble back to their designated seats.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:05 
3:05
Soriano strikes out.   Theriot grounds out.   Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:05 
3:06
What?   This commercial is telling me that I can put these pads on my feet before I go to bed, and in the morning I'll peel it off and see a brown stain of toxins there.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:06 
3:07
I want that a lot more than I really should.   A doctor endorses it, but he has facial hair.   No legit doctor has facial hair.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:07 
3:07
TOP OF THE FOURTH
Monday May 26, 2008 3:07 
3:08
There's a Wrigley Doublemint CGI-added advertisement behind the batter.   They own the joint, don't they?   If they CGI that, why don't they just CGI the entire game?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:08 
3:08
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Does Dr. House's 5-o-clock shadow count?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:08 Zach
3:09
Well, I don't think of House as a doctor, just re-animated, non-nuclear-exploded George Mason from 24.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:09 
3:10
The WGN folks get bored and point the camera toward an old man eating a hot dog.   The announcers speculate on whether he should use an extra napkin to keep it from spilling.   More of this, please.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:10 
3:10
Ethier started the inning by doubling.   Martin flied out to center.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:10 
3:11
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
No, they do not own it. Tribune does. The name is a carryover from when the Wrigley family used to own the team.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:11 Zach
3:11
Mr. Actual Factual over here.   You're the Tony Reali to my Michael Wilbon.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:11 
3:11
[Comment From woofwoof: ] 
it can't be only me who has noticed wgn's affinity for focusing on attractive women
Monday May 26, 2008 3:11 woof
3:12
I have noticed this.   Chicago has plenty of attractive women and I completely support this behavior.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:12 
3:12
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
they do it even more when they're on comcast sportsnet or wciu
Monday May 26, 2008 3:12 swaeria
3:13
TBS Sunday Baseball is just three hours of a young woman pouring pitchers of water down her shirt.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:13 
3:13
Full count on Kent.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:13 
3:14
He flies out to Fukudome.   Ethier stays at second.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:14 
3:14
[Comment From boredatworkboredatwork: ] 
score update please?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:14 boredatwork
3:14
Cubs 2, Dodgers 0, boredatwork 0.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:14 
3:15
DeRosa makes a running snag to end the inning.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:15 
3:15
[Comment From boredatworkboredatwork: ] 
yeah, had to rub it in...............
Monday May 26, 2008 3:15 boredatwork
3:15
Don't feel bad, I'm at -4.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:15 
3:16
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
You're working on Memorial Day, boredatwork? Who are you, a terrorist?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:16 Zach
3:16
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
No, then he'd be bombedatwork
Monday May 26, 2008 3:16 Fornelli
3:16
Far better than whatever joke I was going to make.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:16 
3:17
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Let's have it anyway!
Monday May 26, 2008 3:17 Zach
3:17
FART FART FART FRAT FRART
Monday May 26, 2008 3:17 
3:18
I was only halfway finished with it, it was going to go somewhere I promise.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:18 
3:18
BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH
Monday May 26, 2008 3:18 
3:18
Lee flies out, one away.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:18 
3:18
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
I like where you were going with the "frart".
Monday May 26, 2008 3:18 Zach
3:18
Yeah, I felt that was pretty sharp, and would have opened the door for other stuff.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:18 
3:19
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Like Frerotte.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:19 Fornelli
3:20
Yeah, that was probably five or ten minutes away, but I would have found myself there eventually.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:20 
3:20
Ramirez strikes out.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:20 
3:21
Fukudome swings wildly at a third strike.   He looked like there was some sort of auxiliary pitcher in the batter's circle who was serving up a fastball.   He missed both the actual and imagined pitches.   Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:21 
3:22
[Comment From KCKC: ] 
The announcers spent all that time comparing Piniella and Torre and not once did they mention who would win in a no-holds barred pit fight.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:22 KC
3:22
Time for a poll.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:22 
3:22
Who would win in a no-holds-barred pit fight?
Joe Torre
 ( 4% )
Lou Piniella
 ( 96% )

Monday May 26, 2008 3:22 
3:23
I'm going with Piniella.   That mutt's got the crazy eye.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:23 
3:23
TOP OF THE FIFTH
Monday May 26, 2008 3:23 
3:23
Wow, no love at all for the Torre Terror.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:23 
3:24
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Joe would just sit there picking his nose while Lou unleashed hell upon him.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:24 Fornelli
3:24
I bet he could hide some brass knucks up there, though.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:24 
3:25
Kemp doubles.   One on.   The guy who is on is Kemp.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:25 
3:25
Tautologies are fun.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:25 
3:26
Lee snags DeWitt's grounder, one away.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:26 
3:26
Oh wow.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:26 
3:26
Oh wow.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:26 
3:26
The WGN poll, you guys, is "Hot Dogs:   With Ketchup or Without Ketchup?"
Monday May 26, 2008 3:26 
3:27
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Without in a landslide.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:27 Fornelli
3:27
As long as there's mustard.   Brown mustard.   Yellow mustard is anathema and anyone who says otherwise ought to be punched incredibly hard.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:27 
3:28
Dempster walks Maza on four baseballs.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:28 
3:29
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Doesn't talking to the third base coach slow down the game? Shouldn't Billingsley be tossed?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:29 Fornelli
3:30
If they tossed Billingsley, they'd be obligated to toss everyone else in the stadium who's wasting time.   There would be nobody left except for the guy in the bleachers with empty bottles around him.   He's just letting it ride.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:30 
3:30
He struck out.   Back to your cubby hole, little man.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:30 
3:32
2-2 count on Pierre.   Runners on the corners, two outs.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:32 
3:33
See, friends, this is why Pierre is awesome.   If almost any other player in the game softly chopped to second, they'd just trot it out.   Pierre is running like his condo   is on fire, he's called safe, and a run scores.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:33 
3:33
Cubs 2, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:33 
3:34
Runners on first and second now.   Ethier manufactures a third out.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:34 
3:34
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
I just hope Andruw runs like that when some pissed off Dodgers fan actually DOES light his condo on fire.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:34 MDT
3:35
He'd probably run in to save his family, then tweak a muscle and smile a lot.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:35 
3:35
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
He will if you put a hot dog in front of him. The only question is: with ketchup or without.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:35 Fornelli
3:36
He's fat, and he has a long way to go.   His body is probably 40% Varsity burgers.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:36 
3:36
BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH
Monday May 26, 2008 3:36 
3:36
Geovany Soto vs. Chad Billingsley to start thHEY WHO JUST VOTED FOR TORRE
Monday May 26, 2008 3:36 
3:38
Bad throw by DeWitt, but Soto ran slowly enough to ensure an out.   One away.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:38 
3:38
[Comment From Derek JeterDerek Jeter: ] 
That was me. Love ya, Skip!
Monday May 26, 2008 3:38 Derek Jeter
3:38
See, I knew terrorists read these things.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:38 
3:39
Edmonds strikes out and receives a golden shower of boos.   Two gone.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:39 
3:40
Off-topic but funny.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:40 
3:40
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
By the way, re: the commercials: I want to criticize the idea of getting a lawyer from a website but the way my education is going that's going to be the only job I can get in a couple years. MDT & Nigerian Prince LLP is going to look great on a shingle.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:40 MDT
3:40
DeRosa singles, setting the table for Ryan Dempster.   Whee.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:40 
3:42
That poor fellow in the stands is hawking bottled water.   Yep, I'm going to go to Wrigley Field and drink some water.   Go home, numbnuts, and take your front-pack with you.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:42 
3:42
Dempster strikes out.   Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:42 
3:43
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Who is running camera? Why did we start on Billingsley's behind and pan up to his back? Is this his passive-aggressive rebellion against the women crowd shots?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:43 Zach
3:43
It's very slow and deliberate, so I'm going with Paul Thomas Anderson.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:43 
3:43
There Will Be Butt.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:43 
3:44
These Esurance commercials baffle me.   They've been around for what, five years?   The last two years, they've ran commercials that are clip shows of their earlier commercials.   Erin Esurance looking through a photo album and s***.   Can you really do that?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:44 
3:45
Once I complete ten live blogs, I'm just going to do live blogs of me reminiscing on the other live blogs I did.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:45 
3:45
TOP OF THE SIXTH
Monday May 26, 2008 3:45 
3:45
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Daniel Day Lewis spent three months living inside another man's underwear to prepare for the role.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:45 Fornelli
3:46
Martin singles to start the inning.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:46 
3:46
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
I'm more worried that Erin Esurance hasn't been able to make the jump to film yet. She's gonna have to start taking her clothes off to get roles.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:46 MDT
3:47
The last thing I need is more Erin Esurance.   I find myself attracted to a cartoon character, and it disturbs me.   I also had this problem with Babs Bunny.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:47 
3:48
Kent singles.   Men on first and second.   Can a team have two baserunners at once?   Is that legal?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:48 
3:49
It seems like that would be undesirable.   Clogging the bases and all.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:49 
3:49
Sweeney taps out, runners move to second and third.   One away.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:49 
3:50
By the way, With Ketchup won, 50.2%.  
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 
3:50
And wow, the second that displayed, I experienced an avalanche of ketchup-centric comments.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 
3:50
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
POLL RESULTS! With: 50.2%. Without: 49.8% What a NAILBITER.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 Zach
3:50
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
With Ketchup wins. And the whole world dies.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 Donut King
3:50
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
Ketchup vote is within statistical margin of error, therefore we have learned nothing today
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 MDT
3:50
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Almost 4000 votes! Wow.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 Zach
3:50
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
commie bastards had to win something sometime....
Monday May 26, 2008 3:50 swaeria
3:51
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Yet, much like Hillary Clinton, without Ketchup will not concede, assuring a victory for Relish during the 2008 Condiment Election.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:51 Fornelli
3:51
Time for another poll.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:51 
3:51
What would you rather see me live blog?
Baseball
 ( 48% )
Condiments
 ( 52% )

Monday May 26, 2008 3:51 
3:52
Kemp walks.   Bases loaded, one out.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:52 
3:52
[Comment From Pat LackeyPat Lackey: ] 
I was going to go to Memorial Day-ish things (clean my fishtank), but I am now forced to tell you that the picture you have chosen of Lou Piniella for this liveblog is going to haunt my sleep for weeks and possibly months.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:52 Pat Lackey
3:52
Yeah, my goal with those is to make them as uncomfortable as I possibly can.   Getty Images is a deep and scary place.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:52 
3:53
The people have spoken.   This week I will live blog my opinions on mustards.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:53 
3:54
2-1 count on DeWitt.   Bases loaded.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:54 
3:54
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
CONDIMENTS ARE *NOT* BORING
Monday May 26, 2008 3:54 MDT
3:54
Someone's been reading the comments sections below!
Monday May 26, 2008 3:54 
3:54
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
3:54: I like mustard 3:55: Still like it.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:54 Fornelli
3:55
That's all I had, man, don't steal my thunder.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:55 
3:55
Bobby Bulls*** strikes out.   Two away.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:55 
3:56
Maza at the plate.   2-0 count.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:56 
3:56
What happens if the bases are loaded and the guy walks?   Is he out?
Monday May 26, 2008 3:56 
3:57
Maza flies out, and Dempster manages to crawl out of the devil's butt hole.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:57 
3:57
Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:57 
3:58
By the way, a couple of DeWitt-centric jokes I enjoyed:
Monday May 26, 2008 3:58 
3:58
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Blake DeWent.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:58 Fornelli
3:58
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
that swing looked more like joyce dewitt
Monday May 26, 2008 3:58 swaeria
3:58
Bing-bong.
Monday May 26, 2008 3:58 
3:58
Potty time.  
Monday May 26, 2008 3:58 
4:00
25 seconds, single-stream.   We're back.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:00 
4:00
BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH
Monday May 26, 2008 4:00 
4:00
Soriano v. Billingsley to start the inning.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:00 
4:00
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
"We're back"? Who are you, Will Leitch? *We* didn't go anywhere, sir.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:00 Zach
4:01
I don't even know why I said that.   I'm going to introspect for a few minutes, just pretend I'm typing baseball stuff.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:01 
4:01
Okay, I'm back and decided that I wish I were Will Leitch.  
Monday May 26, 2008 4:01 
4:02
Soriano walks.   They're stopping the game so that the Man Behind the Curtain can speak.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:02 
4:02
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
We're having this rememberance with a runner on first? This is just awkward.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:02 MDT
4:03
Yeah, poor Soriano.   If I stood alone, surrounded by thousands of quiet people, I'd probably flip out.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:03 
4:03
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
This brings up an interesting question: How does one live-blog a moment of sllence? Can you write?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:03 Fornelli
4:04
...Thank you.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:04 
4:04
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
If I'm Soriano, I steal 2nd. Who would notice? Just say it's his personal tribute. They have to let him stay, right?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:04 Zach
4:05
If Kent comes back to second and asks him what he's doing, he can respond with "How dare you lecture me?   You weren't THERE"
Monday May 26, 2008 4:05 
4:05
Men on first and second, nobody out.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:05 
4:06
This has led me to a question.   Suppose every American soldier who died, died for something specific.   Maybe 100 died to defend Tulsa.   5000 died to protect, like, Arby's.   How many died to give me the right to live blog?   1?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:06 
4:06
That makes me feel pretty blue.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:06 
4:07
Lee has a 1-2 count.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:07 
4:07
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
yeah but it was the Unknown Soldier so it's cool
Monday May 26, 2008 4:07 MDT
4:07
ahahaha
Monday May 26, 2008 4:07 
4:08
Lee whiffs.   One gone.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:08 
4:08
[Comment From TimTim: ] 
srikeout
Monday May 26, 2008 4:08 Tim
4:08
Yes.   Yes!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:08 
4:09
Actually, Tim, would you like to live blog the rest of this inning for me?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:09 
4:09
[Comment From TimTim: ] 
Pitch.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:09 Tim
4:09
[Comment From TimTim: ] 
Swing.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:09 Tim
4:10
[Comment From TimTim: ] 
Linedrive.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 Tim
4:10
Aw man, I have to cut this out.   I thought you were a genuine idiot, but you're capitalizing and being funny.   Thanks for helping me out, though.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 
4:10
Bing!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 
4:10
[Comment From Pat LackeyPat Lackey: ] 
Clearly this Tim is no Tim McCarver.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 Pat Lackey
4:10
Bang!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 
4:10
[Comment From FornelliFornelli: ] 
Is Tim Tim McCarver?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:10 Fornelli
4:11
But yeah, Ramirez hit a line drive.   The bases are loaded with one away and Fukudome at bat.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:11 
4:12
Ooh, now they're showing folks with one-letter signs that spell out FUKUDOME.   Lemme check the anagrams on that.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:12 
4:12
Duke Of Um.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:12 
4:12
That's all I got.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:12 
4:13
1-2-3 double play!   Billingsley survives.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:13 
4:13
Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:13 
4:15
[Comment From KCKC: ] 
Kudo Fume.... kudo singular is a word, I looked it up.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:15 KC
4:15
Check out Devendra Banhart's new album, Kudo Fume, in stores today!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:15 
4:16
TOP OF THE SEVENTH
Monday May 26, 2008 4:16 
4:16
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
Lou Piniella is "A Pie I Lull On" and oh my god I need a girlfriend
Monday May 26, 2008 4:16 MDT
4:16
I love it.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:16 
4:16
Dempster's still out there.   A gentleman named Tiffee is at bat.   He bounces out.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:16 
4:17
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
Too bad for MDT you're not a girl.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:17 Zach
4:17
But I could be a friend to him.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:17 
4:17
[Comment From Pat LackeyPat Lackey: ] 
Why is Ryan Dempster a good starter? Are the baseball gods mocking us?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:17 Pat Lackey
4:17
Remember that earthquake last month?   It shifted us into an alternate reality.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:17 
4:18
Man, that poor guy is still out there trying to sell bottled water.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:18 
4:19
I'd just sell bread and call it "fool's toast."   I'd make some serious money.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:19 
4:19
[Comment From KCKC: ] 
You mean you'd make serious "bread".
Monday May 26, 2008 4:19 KC
4:19
What?   No, I'd ohhh
Monday May 26, 2008 4:19 
4:20
Pierre singled.   Ethier grounds out for the eleventh time this game, Pierre moves to second.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:20 
4:20
The old man from The Shining is set to sing for the seventh-inning stretch.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:20 
4:21
My producers tell me that that is actually Fergie Jenkins.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:21 
4:22
2-2 count on Russell Martin.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:22 
4:23
Martin lines to Theriot.   Inning over, and here's the stretch.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:23 
4:24
A fine job by Jenkins.   Jack Nicholson promptly murders him with an ice pick.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:24 
4:25
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Canadian pitching to Canadian w/ a Canadian about to sing the 7th inning stretch. Where's Stubby Clapp when we need him?!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:25 Donut King
4:25
Can't believe I didn't make that connection.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:25 
4:25
[Comment From boredbored: ] 
what's the score? that's right. although i am on the internet you should tell me.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:25 bored
4:25
No problem, friend!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:25 
4:26
Cubs 2, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:26 
4:26
BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH
Monday May 26, 2008 4:26 
4:27
Chan Ho Park wanders in the general direction of the mound and starts throwing baseballs at or near the catcher.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:27 
4:28
Soto grounds straight to him, one away.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:28 
4:28
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
oh wait, he's in the game, I'm retarded
Monday May 26, 2008 4:28 MDT
4:29
No worries, I get things horribly wrong all the time.   This is actually a Louisville Bats game I'm live blogging.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:29 
4:29
Edmonds gets a base hit.   A goat gallops out of the stadium toward the general direction of the Cubby Bear.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:29 
4:31
Park floors DeRosa on a pitch up and in.   Remember, I said "general direction."
Monday May 26, 2008 4:31 
4:32
DeRosa strikes out.   Looks like they're yanking Dempster in favor of Henry Cotto.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:32 
4:34
Friend on first, two out, Hoffpauir at bat.   Anagram time.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:34 
4:35
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
I Rap, U Hoff?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:35 MDT
4:35
Winner.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:35 
4:35
Hoffpauir singles, Edmonds reaches third.   So we have runners on the corners and two out.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:35 
4:36
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
a ripoff uh
Monday May 26, 2008 4:36 swaeria
4:36
Okay, this is good too.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:36 
4:36
Soriano has an 0-2 count.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:36 
4:38
This gentleman has worked the count full!
Monday May 26, 2008 4:38 
4:39
Lots of fouls here.   Park and Soriano are about to be personally ejected by Selig.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:39 
4:40
He walked him.   The bases are inconveniently clogged for Ryan Theriot.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:40 
4:40
Fergie Jenkins is in a booth and won't shut up about these signed baseballs he's hawking.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:40 
4:41
Theriot grounds out.   For at least the third time this game, the bases are left loaded.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:41 
4:43
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
wasn't robert shapiro OJ's attorney?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:43 swaeria
4:43
He was.   Maybe he can get me out from under these murder beefs.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:43 
4:44
TOP OF THE EIGHTH
Monday May 26, 2008 4:44 
4:44
Cubs 2, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:44 
4:45
Kent hits a single, is pulled out of the game for wearing horrible sunglasses.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:45 
4:45
I wonder if you can put someone on the disabled list for being an asshole.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:45 
4:46
Sweeney flies out.   The pinch-runner, Hu, jogs back to first.   Hu run it.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:46 
4:46
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
Anagram: uh
Monday May 26, 2008 4:46 Wez
4:48
By the way, Bob Howry is on to pitch this inning.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:48 
4:48
3-1 on Shawn Kemp.   I used to have a poster of that guy.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:48 
4:49
He was just yelling at lightning.   He wasn't playing basketball at all.   I'd just lie awake and stare at it all night.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:49 
4:49
Kemp doubles, so now there are men on second and third.   One away.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:49 
4:50
Intentional walk here.   Maza takes four traditional Jewish dishes and trots to first.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:50 
4:50
Intentional walk here.   Maza takes four traditional Jewish dishes and trots to first.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:50 
4:51
Loney's up with the bases loaded.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:51 
4:52
Pitcher had better stay away from him here.   He's a Loney, Howry.   A rebel.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:52 
4:52
Loney missed a grand slam by about a foot.   Foul ball.   0-2 count.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:52 
4:53
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
seriously, pee wee's big adventure reference??? i like it.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:53 swaeria
4:53
I could do those all day.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:53 
4:54
1-2 count.   The sun's coming out.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:54 
4:54
The sun says "what's this-- oh baseball game" and ducks behind some clouds.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:54 
4:55
Loney strikes out!   Two away, bases still loaded.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:55 
4:55
Oh please, Torre, let Chan Ho Park hit for himself.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:55 
4:55
Nope, Delwyn Young steps up.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:55 
4:55
Boom, pinch.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:55 
4:57
2-0 on Young.   Maybe now I'll get to see what happens when someone walks with the bases loaded.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:57 
4:57
Maybe they drag out a fifth base near the hitter's circle.   That's the only solution I can think of.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:57 
4:58
Because if a run scored, it'd be tied, and it's late in the game, and it could go to extra innings, and a benevolent God would not do that to me.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:58 
4:58
Nope, he flies out.   God is alive and loves us all.   Inning over.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:58 
4:59
BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH
Monday May 26, 2008 4:59 
4:59
Cubs 2, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 4:59 
4:59
[Comment From johnnyjohnny: ] 
base loaded again
Monday May 26, 2008 4:59 johnny
4:59
I know!   It's ridiculous!   What's the point!   What's a gun if you don't shoot it?
Monday May 26, 2008 4:59 
5:01
The Bud Light FanCam only shows two hot chicks, but they're incredibly hot chicks.   I'll take it.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:01 
5:01
Proctor is on to pitch for Brooklyn.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:01 
5:02
Kerry Wood is in the bullpen.   His arm fell off and it just sat there on the ground, continuing to display a pitching motion.   Extraordinary.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:02 
5:02
Derrek Lee strikes out.   One gone, nobody on.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:02 
5:03
Cubs reliever Bobby Bullpen just got hit in he butt hole by a foul ball.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:03 
5:04
Aramis Ramirez hits a home run!   Cubs 3, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:04 
5:04
I want "Aramis Ramirez" to be a palindrome so, so badly.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:04 
5:05
Fukudome fouls off a pitch.   He swings like he's standing on a Lazy Susan.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:05 
5:07
He strikes out and takes his dumbwaiter with him.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:07 
5:07
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Carlos Zambrano autographed baseball . . . . Complete with CRAZY!!!!!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:07 Donut King
5:08
I'm pretty sure "Carlos Zambrano autographed ball" just means a baseball with bite marks and a pen stabbed into it.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:08 
5:08
Can't really fit that into a BallQube.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:08 
5:08
Soto's out.   We go to the ninth.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:08 
5:09
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
can Wood reattach his arm in time?
Monday May 26, 2008 5:09 Donut King
5:10
It's on backwards!   His fingers are tickling his rotator cuff!   Kerry, sweetie, come back here!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:10 
5:11
TOP OF THE NINTH
Monday May 26, 2008 5:11 
5:11
Wood v. Pierre to start it off.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:11 
5:11
He just about swung Pierre's kneecap the other way.   The ball and Pierre hit the dirt.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:11 
5:11
One away.   Pierre flies out.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:11 
5:12
Two outs away.   I love this 8.5 inning business.   I wonder how I'll spend those extra 10 minutes of my life.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:12 
5:12
I'll probably sit on the john and read that Stephen Colbert book.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:12 
5:13
Ethier steps up.   He's 1-for-39 with 38 popups for the day.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:13 
5:13
Full count on Ethier.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:13 
5:14
Base hit right past Wood.   Russell Martin steps up one with away.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:14 
5:15
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
"steps up one with away". /my head a splode
Monday May 26, 2008 5:15 Zach
5:15
oopsth!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:15 
5:15
1-2 on Martin.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:15 
5:16
Martin strikes out, one chance left for the Los Angeles Trolley Dodgers.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:16 
5:16
Kent's out, so I'm not sure who's coming to bat here.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:16 
5:16
Hu's coming to bat here.   I honestly did not set that up intentionally.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:16 
5:16
Quick two strikes on Hu.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:16 
5:17
1-2, Wood just about throws it into the net.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:17 
5:17
Hu swings at a pitch in the dirt.   GAME OVER!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:17 
5:17
FINAL SCORE: Cubs 3, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:17 
5:18
A couple of home runs and funny commercials served as the pellets of government chicken in our water-and-salt stew.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:18 
5:18
So now, as always, I'll open it up to you, friends.   I will post any comment that isn't terribly vulgar.   Go.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:18 
5:18
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
this game a splode.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:18 Donut King
5:19
[Comment From swaeriaswaeria: ] 
cubs win, lou wins, and condiments win ... the trifecta!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:19 swaeria
5:19
[Comment From boredatworkboredatwork: ] 
go cubs go go cubs go , hey chicago what do you cubs are going to win today
Monday May 26, 2008 5:19 boredatwork
5:19
[Comment From LOLbunnyLOLbunny: ] 
I hath a lettuth
Monday May 26, 2008 5:19 LOLbunny
5:19
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
Time for undercooked hamburgers!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:19 MDT
5:19
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
In memoriam of Mark Prior.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:19 Wez
5:20
[Comment From Will he post it?Will he post it?: ] 
Terribly vulgar.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:20 Will he post it?
5:20
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
J-Boi (not to be confused with P-Boi) is the man!
Monday May 26, 2008 5:20 Zach
5:20
[Comment From MartinMartin: ] 
yesterday the announcers talked about ducks on the pond and the camera guy went to a shot of geese, so they started calling them geese on the pond, but they were canadian geese and Brenly said "Sorry we didn't check their passports." And this is what happens in every Cubs broadcast, that or a "Will Scott Proctor be a Gamble?" comment.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:20 Martin
5:21
[Comment From MDTMDT: ] 
I do what I can. Great work as always... this are by far my favorite things on Fanhouse that don't involve Jim Thome typing in all caps
Monday May 26, 2008 5:21 MDT
5:21
[Comment From ZachZach: ] 
P.S. So when can we look forward to a Cubs Dugout?
Monday May 26, 2008 5:21 Zach
5:21
[Comment From AnagramAnagram: ] 
Job is on
Monday May 26, 2008 5:21 Anagram
5:21
A Cubs Dugout would be a good idea.   They are a baseball team that I haven't Dugouted in a while.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:21 
5:22
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Casper and Brenly can't be any worse than McLaughlin and Hrabosky.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:22 Donut King
5:22
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
StL folks know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:22 Donut King
5:22
All right, friends, I'm going to go stare at my mustard bottles for a while.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:22 
5:22
It has been a fun day at the computer.   Thanks for reading.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:22 
5:22
FINAL SCORE: Cubs 3, Dodgers 1.
Monday May 26, 2008 5:22 
5:23
Thank you for reading today.              

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