Interleague Baseball is Boring: Diamondbacks-Red Sox Live Blog(06/23/2008) 
7:02
Jon: 
Hello, friend.   Welcome to baseball.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:02 Jon
7:02
Jon: 
I used the singular "friend" because you are the only one watching.   Just you.   Does that make you uncomfortable?   Don't go!
Monday June 23, 2008 7:02 Jon
7:03
Jon: 
The tarp is coming off, but that sky looks like soot.   I think we'll see a delay at some point.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:03 Jon
7:04
Jon: 
This game was preceded on ESPN by SportsCenter, and I'd like to share something with you.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:04 Jon
7:04
Jon: 
I turned it on at about 6:40.   Anchor Mike Greenberg sternly and soberly came back from the break with, "In case you're just joining us..."
Monday June 23, 2008 7:04 Jon
7:05
Jon: 
They show a two-minute clip of Shaq dissing Kobe in a rap.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:05 Jon
7:05
Jon: 
Within, Shaq asks Kobe "how [his] ass tastes."
Monday June 23, 2008 7:05 Jon
7:06
Jon: 
Of course, Shaq responds with a statement to ESPN, in which he cites how many albums he has sold.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:06 Jon
7:07
Jon: 
This is the world we live in, friends.   The gods will not save you.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:07 Jon
7:07
Jon: 
Oh Lord.   Heads up, folks.   This game is being delayed until 7:35.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:07 Jon
7:08
Jon: 
Feel free to trim your toenails, they're getting long.   Straight across.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:08 Jon
7:09
Jon: 
I bet you think your toenails look snappy when you cut them rounded off, but you know what that gets you?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:09 Jon
7:09
Jon: 
An ingrown toenail.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:09 Jon
7:10
Jon: 
Buck Showalter speculates that Curt Schilling will come back next year, but I'm skeptical.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:10 Jon
7:10
Jon: 
Think about it.   Both Schilling and John Smoltz are facing potentially career-ending injuries.   Why not go out in the same year?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:10 Jon
7:11
Jon: 
I just think it would be romantic, nay, magical, if two conservative-minded pitchers were to enter the Hall of Fame in the same year.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:11 Jon
7:11
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
What if Glavine and Maddux also decided to call it quits after this year?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:11 Wez
7:12
Jon: 
This would be less magical, but funnier.   Imagine Schilling being squeezed between the margins as Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz are the focus of the stage.   I bet he would blog in boldface for a week.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:12 Jon
7:14
Jon: 
Also in the news:   Don Imus being a bolder sort of racist.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:14 Jon
7:15
Jon: 
Maybe if he keeps acting like a horrible racist, he'll be taken less seriously.   That's the only thing he could possibly be going for.   Or maybe he really is just a horrible racist.   Doesn't he have any black friends?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:15 Jon
7:15
[Comment From Troy PercivalTroy Percival: ] 
Wouldn't it be magical if I retired???
Monday June 23, 2008 7:15 Troy Percival
7:16
Jon: 
I saw him in the booth on a broadcast last year.   He looked like the twin of Bret Saberhagen and there is no reason why he should have an ERA below 15 right now.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:16 Jon
7:17
Jon: 
The ESPN fellows are switching to bonus interleague coverage between the Mets and Mariners.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:17 Jon
7:18
Jon: 
I bet the guys in graphics just love this.   They get to show another network's eyesore of a low-budget graphics package, while their fancy translucent crawl remains at the bottom of the screen.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:18 Jon
7:18
Jon: 
They ought not to get a big d*** about it, though, because a few minutes ago they confused "Its" with "It's".
Monday June 23, 2008 7:18 Jon
7:18
[Comment From SaberToothedPieSaberToothedPie: ] 
Any Interleague Matchup which can be nicknamed "Battle of the M&M's" is fine by me.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:18 SaberToothedPie
7:19
Jon: 
Man, at least that's an angle.   I'd take that over Red Sox-Diamondbacks.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:19 Jon
7:19
Jon: 
What's the angle there?   Maybe "Battle of the Two Teams Furthest Geographically Apart"?   "The Mileage Series"?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:19 Jon
7:21
[Comment From HanstockHanstock: ] 
"Teams that have at one point beaten the Yankees."
Monday June 23, 2008 7:21 Hanstock
7:21
Jon: 
"Yankees" has been uttered in this live blog.   This means a dozen uppercase comments at the bottom, for or against.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:21 Jon
7:21
Jon: 
The word "asshat" will be thrown around like such confetti.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:21 Jon
7:22
Jon: 
UPDATE: RAIN DELAY
Monday June 23, 2008 7:22 Jon
7:22
Jon: 
Although you probably figured that out.   If a game were being played, I wouldn't be saying anything of any consequence.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:22 Jon
7:23
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
When I was in Seattle they advertised Seatled and Boston as the "I-80 Series"
Monday June 23, 2008 7:23 Wez
7:23
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
Apparently I-80 goes coast to coast.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:23 Wez
7:23
Jon: 
I want them to name a Toronto-Miami series in the same fashion.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:23 Jon
7:24
Jon: 
The game will start at 7:35.   Until then, commentary shall be worthless but not banal.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:24 Jon
7:25
Jon: 
Alright, something bugged me today.   I need your opinion.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:25 Jon
7:25
Jon: 
I walked to the store this morning, then walked back.   As I approached the back gate, I saw some haggard-looking woman digging through my garbage.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:25 Jon
7:26
Jon: 
Then some guy, who doesn't look particularly homeless, hands her a pair of shears.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:26 Jon
7:26
Jon: 
The lady finds the defunct coffee maker I threw away the day before, and uses the shears to cut off the electrical cord.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:26 Jon
7:27
Jon: 
She was interested in the copper content, right?   How do you turn that into a profit?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:27 Jon
7:27
Jon: 
Are there any ambitious/homeless folks reading tonight?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:27 Jon
7:28
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
turn it into fake pennys
Monday June 23, 2008 7:28 Pete
7:28
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
it takes an immense amount of talent, and the payoff is low
Monday June 23, 2008 7:28 Pete
7:28
Jon: 
That's the sort of elbow grease I just don't have time for.   I guess everyone has a hustle.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:28 Jon
7:29
Jon: 
My hustle?   A miserable song-and-dance of show-and-tell storytime on a major sports website.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:29 Jon
7:29
Jon: 
RAIN DELAY STILL
Monday June 23, 2008 7:29 Jon
7:29
Jon: 
FIRST PITCH SCHEDULED FOR 7:35
Monday June 23, 2008 7:29 Jon
7:29
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
Wish I could do what you do.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:29 Guest
7:30
Jon: 
Workin' real hard to make Internet cash.  
Work m' fingers to the bone sittin' on m'ass.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:30 Jon
7:30
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
theyve been claiming we're a moment away for like 100 moments
Monday June 23, 2008 7:30 Pete
7:31
Jon: 
They need to parse as many moments as they can.   Did you know that if you ever experience a moment of any sort, you can sell it to Fox Sports?   $5 a moment!
Monday June 23, 2008 7:31 Jon
7:32
Jon: 
One time I sold them a moment of me pouring a glass of water for five bucks.   It was replayed in its entirety at the beginning of the clip show, and an abbreviated version as part of a recap near the end.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:32 Jon
7:32
Jon: 
I didn't really appreciate it, because they cut off the part where I filled the pitcher with water.   Just the part with the glass.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:32 Jon
7:33
[Comment From HanstockHanstock: ] 
The king can move any direction he choose, 'cause he the king. But he ain't got no hustle.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:33 Hanstock
7:33
Jon: 
The king?   Stay the king.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:33 Jon
7:33
Jon: 
I'm a smart ass pawn.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:33 Jon
7:33
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
moving the brewers to the nl screwed up the perfect numerical balance of teams between the leagues
Monday June 23, 2008 7:33 Pete
7:33
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
its been driving my ocd berzerk
Monday June 23, 2008 7:33 Pete
7:34
Jon: 
This has inspired me to develop OCD, actually.   There's no reason for it.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:34 Jon
7:35
Jon: 
Baseball : Office Space :: Brewers : fat guy with with thick glasses what he listen to ship radio real loud
Monday June 23, 2008 7:35 Jon
7:35
Jon: 
Elsewhere in baseball:
Monday June 23, 2008 7:35 Jon
7:35
Jon: 
Felix Hernandez is a pitcher.   Felix Hernandez just hit a grand slam off Johan Santana.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:35 Jon
7:35
Jon: 
Not lying.   I'm saving my lies for the main event here.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:35 Jon
7:36
Jon: 
SPEAKING OF WHICH
Monday June 23, 2008 7:36 Jon
7:36
Jon: 
TOP OF THE FIRST
Monday June 23, 2008 7:36 Jon
7:36
Jon: 
Beckett is taking the hill.  
Monday June 23, 2008 7:36 Jon
7:37
Jon: 
Eric Byrnes and his toddler hair step to the plate.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:37 Jon
7:37
Jon: 
He pops up in barely-foul territory, one away.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:37 Jon
7:38
Jon: 
Stephen Drew bats.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:38 Jon
7:38
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
JD AGAINST HIS BROTHER. ESPN MUST PLAY THIS UP.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:38 Guest
7:38
Jon: 
"It must be weird to have a brother?   How does it feel to have a brother?"
Monday June 23, 2008 7:38 Jon
7:39
Jon: 
Erin Andrews calligraphying in her notepad as we speak.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:39 Jon
7:39
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
ughhhhhhhhhh, Steve Phillips. Nobody warned me.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:39 Guest
7:39
Jon: 
Steve Phillips could say something really intelligent, but I wouldn't know because he sounds like my dishwasher.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:39 Jon
7:41
Jon: 
Drew flies out to Drew!   Steve Phillips makes a fist, rocks back and forth, and kneads his crotch in excitement.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:41 Jon
7:41
Jon: 
Orlando Hudson is up with two away.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:41 Jon
7:41
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
oh man they're gonna have a section of the telecast dedicated to the drew brothers
Monday June 23, 2008 7:41 Pete
7:41
Jon: 
You know what I want?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:41 Jon
7:42
Jon: 
You know what I really want?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:42 Jon
7:42
Jon: 
I want Steve Phillips to muse that this "family reunion" would have never happened were it not for interleague play.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:42 Jon
7:42
Jon: 
If he does, I'll mail him a dollar.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:42 Jon
7:43
Jon: 
Hudson doubles.   Timmy Toothpick is at the plate.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:43 Jon
7:43
Jon: 
As a joke, Timmy Toothpick has the name "Jackson" on his jersey.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:43 Jon
7:43
Jon: 
These gags always go over my head, I guess it's an inside joke.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:43 Jon
7:44
Jon: 
He grounds out.   We have been sitting here for 45 minutes, and the game is 1/18 over.   At most.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:44 Jon
7:45
Jon: 
Commercial break happenings!
Monday June 23, 2008 7:45 Jon
7:45
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
"you are like a buy.com virgin" - howie mandell
Monday June 23, 2008 7:45 Pete
7:45
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
I want the Deal or No Deal guy to come to my house and say virgin in front of my kids.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:45 Guest
7:45
Jon: 
I'd rather take the guy who voiced Uncle Ted.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:45 Jon
7:46
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
we really need a new analogy besides "david vs. goliath" to describe things, especially in sports
Monday June 23, 2008 7:46 Pete
7:47
Jon: 
I don't know, I kind of like it.   I mean, our world works in analog.   Can any two things be equal?   One has to be greater than another.   Then just divide and zoom, divide and zoom, until we have David v. Goliath.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:47 Jon
7:47
Jon: 
Jacoby Ellsbury leads off against Dan Haren.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:47 Jon
7:48
Jon: 
He pops out to the third base foul line, much like Byrnes did at the top of the inning.   What are the odds?   Steve Phillips uses the phrase, "Deja vu all over again" (seriously).
Monday June 23, 2008 7:48 Jon
7:49
Jon: 
Drew flies out.   This inning is over quickly.   Beat the rain, friends.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:49 Jon
7:49
Jon: 
A real rain will come, and it will wash you all off the streets.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:49 Jon
7:49
Jon: 
TOP OF THE SECOND
Monday June 23, 2008 7:49 Jon
7:50
Jon: 
No score.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:50 Jon
7:50
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
Also, Steve doesn't really know Orlando Hudson's real name. Ten bucks says Steve only calls him O-Dog, and never by his real name.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:50 Guest
7:50
Jon: 
I'm going to listen for this from here on out.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:50 Jon
7:51
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
I'd be really tempted to buy one of these frosty shakes from Wendy's, if the song in the background didn't make me want to cut my ears off.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:51 Guest
7:51
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
oh i need to get this out, hearing that wendy;s commercial with the ice cream truck song is killing me, i keep thinking im mere seconds away from a bomb-pop
Monday June 23, 2008 7:51 Pete
7:51
Jon: 
Frosties taste like peanut butter and are kind of gross, but I actually kind of dug the song.   I'd buy a single.   It gets my feet dancing.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:51 Jon
7:52
Jon: 
Chad Tracy is up first v. Beckett.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:52 Jon
7:53
Jon: 
Beckett blows it by Tracy at 96 MPH for the first out.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:53 Jon
7:53
Jon: 
Some intrepid fans in the nosebleeds are holding up letter cards that spell BECKETT.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:53 Jon
7:53
Jon: 
The K is backwards.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:53 Jon
7:54
Jon: 
Pick a dude with more Ks in his name, friends.   You're shooting kind of low.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:54 Jon
7:54
Jon: 
Beckett strikes out some other hump, two away.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:54 Jon
7:55
Jon: 
Chris Young warbles his bat at the plate.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:55 Jon
7:56
Jon: 
He goes around on a third strike, but the line ump calls it a ball because it's funny to watch him bat.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:56 Jon
7:56
Jon: 
Young grounds out.   Top of the inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:56 Jon
7:57
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
How many times does Youk's walk-off get mentioned today?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:57 Guest
7:57
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
uh oh poll time?
Monday June 23, 2008 7:57 Pete
7:58
Jon: 
Uh-oh poll time.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:58 Jon
7:59
Which is better?
Regular
 ( 33% )
WEIRD
 ( 67% )

Monday June 23, 2008 7:59 
7:59
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE SECOND
Monday June 23, 2008 7:59 Jon
7:59
Jon: 
No score.
Monday June 23, 2008 7:59 Jon
8:00
Jon: 
Upton snags a fly, one away.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:00 Jon
8:01
Jon: 
Lowell stands up there.   Phillips is selling this as a "no-score, good pitcher's duel".
Monday June 23, 2008 8:01 Jon
8:01
Jon: 
That's television-speak for "sorry guys"
Monday June 23, 2008 8:01 Jon
8:01
Jon: 
Two away, and Youkilis is at bat.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:01 Jon
8:02
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
did he do something important last night?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:02 Pete
8:02
Jon: 
I don't know.   Maybe if it was an off-day.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:02 Jon
8:03
Jon: 
He strikes out tonight against a "very nasty Dan Haren."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:03 Jon
8:03
Jon: 
I had one of those once.   They gave me some medicine.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:03 Jon
8:03
Jon: 
TOP OF THE THIRD
Monday June 23, 2008 8:03 Jon
8:03
Jon: 
No score.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:03 Jon
8:04
Jon: 
A commercial is shilling a bat with Griffey's face engraved on it.   It's meant to commemmorate his 600th home run.   They're stressing the "facsimile signature."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:04 Jon
8:06
Jon: 
Lowell dives and makes a snappy catch.   Steve Phillips' grin is audible.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:06 Jon
8:06
Jon: 
Upton is at bat, one gone.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:06 Jon
8:07
Jon: 
Steve Phillips tells us that baseball is difficult because there's so much to think about.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:07 Jon
8:08
Jon: 
He's going to go back to his hotel and tell Tom Cruise that he can't miss Jeopardy!.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Jon
8:08
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
Might as well say two gone.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Guest
8:08
Jon: 
Yep, that.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Jon
8:08
Jon: 
Nah, I wish.   He doubles.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Jon
8:08
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
AQUAFRESH EXTREME UPDATE
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Pete
8:08
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
Oh, man. An aquafresh extreme update? From Robert Flories .. or something?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Guest
8:08
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i thought the whole "XTREME" fad was over, they said so on best week ever like 2 years ago
Monday June 23, 2008 8:08 Pete
8:09
Jon: 
Do they really think that the sorts of people who sit at home on a Monday night and watch a baseball game are the same sorts of people who brush their teeth?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:09 Jon
8:10
Jon: 
They need a baking soda commercial on the heels of a water commercial.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:10 Jon
8:10
Jon: 
Two away.   Upton's still on second.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:10 Jon
8:10
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
what about people who comment on live blog of baseball games? do you think we floss?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:10 Pete
8:11
Jon: 
Yeah, I'm guessing y'all gargle with hydrogen peroxide.   They always pitch that on the bottle, but I've never heard of anyone ever doing that, ever.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:11 Jon
8:11
Jon: 
0-2 on Drew.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:11 Jon
8:11
[Comment From MarkMark: ] 
Red Sox radio: "Byrnes plays like his hair is on fire. And it especially looks that way when he takes his helmet off."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:11 Mark
8:12
Jon: 
What?   Is fire toddler-yellow?   The optometrist handed me a Dum-Dum and said my eyesight was tip-top.   He and I will have words.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:12 Jon
8:12
[Comment From bobbob: ] 
why don't you guys just watch the game?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:12 bob
8:12
Jon: 
I've been barking up that tree for years, Bob.   It's no use.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:12 Jon
8:13
Jon: 
Beckett strikes out Drew.   Three gone.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:13 Jon
8:13
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
Youkilis looks like lumberjack
Monday June 23, 2008 8:13 Guest
8:13
Jon: 
Pffft, thanks, Guest.   Like I'm going to post a comment from "Guest."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:13 Jon
8:13
[Comment From googolplexgoogolplex: ] 
Youkilis looks like a lumberjack
Monday June 23, 2008 8:13 googolplex
8:13
Jon: 
Ha, that's great!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:13 Jon
8:14
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE THIRD
Monday June 23, 2008 8:14 Jon
8:14
Jon: 
No score, no good, no-how.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:14 Jon
8:15
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
I want to bet Guest five bucks that the Bulldogs win the College World Series.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:15 Donut King
8:15
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Make it fifty.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:15 Donut King
8:16
Jon: 
College baseball is great.   They're schooled on the art of toning down the excitement.   Wean them off.   More of the boring, slowly.   Take away the aluminum bats when they're ready to disappoint.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:16 Jon
8:16
Jon: 
2-2 on Varitek.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:16 Jon
8:16
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
nerd moment: pressing ctrl twice on firefox 3 brings up a google search bar
Monday June 23, 2008 8:16 Pete
8:17
Jon: 
Not working for me.   I want my money back.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:17 Jon
8:17
Jon: 
Varitek doubles off the wall.   Nobody is out.   Holy hell.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:17 Jon
8:18
Jon: 
I'm pretty sure nobody has stayed on first base the entire game.   Crawl, walk, then run, you eager eddies.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:18 Jon
8:18
Jon: 
Crisp attempts to bunt, and pops it up within diveshot of Haren.   Haren catches it and flings to second, almost doubling off Varitek.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:18 Jon
8:19
Jon: 
Phillips praises Haren's "presence of mind."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:19 Jon
8:20
Jon: 
Two are away.   Varitek is still on second.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:20 Jon
8:20
Jon: 
He's the third guy to double and stay there this game.   They should draw a chess board in the dirt.  
Monday June 23, 2008 8:20 Jon
8:21
[Comment From SamSam: ] 
I was at Fenway this weekend, and saw Papi sitting at a red light literally minutes after the game. Kid you not.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:21 Sam
8:21
Jon: 
He was probably distracted by Jeter's cell phone call.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:21 Jon
8:22
Jon: 
"Every team!   Every team!"
Monday June 23, 2008 8:22 Jon
8:22
Jon: 
"ERRAY GAM.   ERRAY GAM."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:22 Jon
8:22
Jon: 
Ellsbury walks.   Finally, someone clogs first.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:22 Jon
8:23
Jon: 
Pedroia has earned himself a 1-1 count.   Men on first and second, two away, baseball game.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:23 Jon
8:23
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
I thought it was "evly gay, evly gay"
Monday June 23, 2008 8:23 Donut King
8:24
Jon: 
Can we get confirmation?   Is it too late?   I haven't seen this commercial in a while, and I pity any soul who would YouTube it.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:24 Jon
8:24
Jon: 
Pedroia whiffs at an eye-level pitch.   Inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:24 Jon
8:25
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
It definitely sounds like evly gay, evly gay
Monday June 23, 2008 8:25 Jack
8:25
Pick a horse.
Every team! Every team!
 ( 24% )
ERRAY GAM. ERRAY GAM.
 ( 24% )
EVLY GAY. EVLY GAY.
 ( 52% )

Monday June 23, 2008 8:25 
8:26
Jon: 
By the way:
Monday June 23, 2008 8:26 Jon
8:26
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
which sucks. they wanted to wait until the 5th to tap the keg at first.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:26 Donut King
8:27
Jon: 
I wish this were still around.   I've considered joining beer league softball for this reason.   Then I remember that softball is right down there with baseball and Metal Gear Solid as the most boring thing ever.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:27 Jon
8:27
Jon: 
TOP OF THE FOURTH
Monday June 23, 2008 8:27 Jon
8:27
Jon: 
No score.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:27 Jon
8:27
[Comment From JimmyJimmy: ] 
Is it really too much trouble to name them the red SOCKS?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:27 Jimmy
8:27
Jon: 
Well, their full name is the Boston Red SoChrist.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:27 Jon
8:28
Jon: 
Now the play-by-play fellow calls Orlando Hudson the O-Dog.   He grounds out.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:28 Jon
8:29
Jon: 
Conor Jackson steps up.   Connor, come back here, honey, you forgot your other n!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:29 Jon
8:30
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
"They didn't get better, they just got talented players."
Monday June 23, 2008 8:30 Jack
8:30
Jon: 
Yeah, I'm with the broadcast fellow.   You know what I hate?   Tangibles.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:30 Jon
8:30
Jon: 
Nothing gets my goat more than the concrete experience of things.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:30 Jon
8:31
Jon: 
Two away.   Chad Tracy bats.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:31 Jon
8:32
Jon: 
Discussion time after this half-inning.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:32 Jon
8:32
Jon: 
"1-2 on Tracy."   - Big Boy Caprice
Monday June 23, 2008 8:32 Jon
8:33
Jon: 
He gawks at a strike, half inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:33 Jon
8:33
Jon: 
So, the WEIRD contingent is at an even 67%.   Care to justify?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:33 Jon
8:33
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
Regular is boring
Monday June 23, 2008 8:33 Wez
8:34
Jon: 
Okay, and you're reading Baseball is Boring, which is boring.   It's consistent.   I'll accept that.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:34 Jon
8:34
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
take a wild guess, JB
Monday June 23, 2008 8:34 Donut King
8:34
Jon: 
Don't dodge the question.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:34 Jon
8:35
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
Weird is the way to go.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:35 Jack
8:35
Jon: 
Insufficient!   Do you people ever win arguments?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:35 Jon
8:35
Jon: 
And if so, how?   I'm so confounded I could just spit!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:35 Jon
8:35
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE FOURTH
Monday June 23, 2008 8:35 Jon
8:35
Jon: 
No score.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:35 Jon
8:36
Jon: 
So far, Wez is the only one to provide an answer grounded in any sort of logic.   I'll revisit the question again in a few innings.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:36 Jon
8:36
Jon: 
Haren earns a quick first out.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:36 Jon
8:36
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i dont understand the question to begin with, or what it referenced
Monday June 23, 2008 8:36 Pete
8:37
Jon: 
There's no reference of any sort.   Vote what you feel; justify what you feel.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:37 Jon
8:37
[Comment From kckc: ] 
regular offers no roof for variance. There is no room for individual expression. If you choose weird, well than you can choose anything not in the realm of regular. Which offers much more of a chance for individual expression
Monday June 23, 2008 8:37 kc
8:37
Jon: 
A thoughtful answer!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:37 Jon
8:38
Jon: 
Manny has a quick 0-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:38 Jon
8:38
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
BTW, Every Team is getting its ass kicked. Massively.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:38 Donut King
8:38
Jon: 
Yeah, I'm ready to admit I was wrong.   EVLY GAY does sound more accurate.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:38 Jon
8:38
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
90% of all stats are made up.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:38 Jack
8:39
Jon: 
But this is, in and of itself, a stat!   I reject this sentiment.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:39 Jon
8:39
Jon: 
Manny is hanging in there.   1-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:39 Jon
8:40
Jon: 
Manny swings at a dropped third strikes, gallops like a cow caught in a parachute to first.   Two gone.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:40 Jon
8:41
Jon: 
Lowell flies out to Young.   "We got ourselves a pitcher's duel!"   Shove it up your ass.   Inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:41 Jon
8:41
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i just listened to that commercial and put my laptop speaker against my ear. Only when the speaker is less than an inch from my ear drum can I hear the "m" sound in game
Monday June 23, 2008 8:41 Pete
8:41
Jon: 
How did you find this?   Did someone actually YouTube it?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:41 Jon
8:42
Jon: 
If so, that's almost as awesome as some guy who YouTubed local "tornado warning" special reports broadcasts.   That guy is a golden god.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:42 Jon
8:42
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
...yes...i'm ashamed
Monday June 23, 2008 8:42 Pete
8:42
Jon: 
Don't be.   You have helped to further our understanding.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:42 Jon
8:43
Jon: 
God knows there's nothing else we can take from this God-accursed Java rectangle.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:43 Jon
8:43
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
Someone voted for 'Every team! Every team!' who did this
Monday June 23, 2008 8:43 Jack
8:43
Jon: 
An absurdist!   I can appreciate it.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:43 Jon
8:44
Jon: 
Something happened to Youkilis.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:44 Jon
8:44
Jon: 
Oh my God, his hair fell off!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:44 Jon
8:44
Jon: 
Let's see if he can stay in the game.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:44 Jon
8:45
Jon: 
Alright, here's the scoop.   He was warming up during the commercial break and GOT HIT IN THE FACE WITH A BASEBALL.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:45 Jon
8:45
Jon: 
He's leaving the game.   Makes sense, I think that's his throwing eye.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:45 Jon
8:47
Jon: 
We're back to action.   Mark Reynolds strikes out.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:47 Jon
8:47
[Comment From somethingcleversomethingclever: ] 
there are jokes to be made here about depth perception
Monday June 23, 2008 8:47 somethingclever
8:47
Jon: 
Maybe he'll lose sight in that eye.   Maybe he has a promising ethereal post-rock career ahead of him.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:47 Jon
8:47
[Comment From Furzder DinfloopFurzder Dinfloop: ] 
this is why i refuse to take moneyball seriously.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:47 Furzder Dinfloop
8:48
Jon: 
Did you know that Moneyball is the art of walking more?   That's all it is, nothing else.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:48 Jon
8:48
Jon: 
The book is just two pages.   One is a table of contents, the other says "walk more."   It's a ripoff, don't buy it.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:48 Jon
8:48
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Chris Young + Jetpack = Go Go Gadget Infield Single
Monday June 23, 2008 8:48 Donut King
8:49
Jon: 
Indeed.   He's on with an out.   Snyder is at bat.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:49 Jon
8:49
[Comment From DerekDerek: ] 
What, Beane didn't include the 'freak between-inning eye injury' differential?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:49 Derek
8:49
Jon: 
Yeah, he's a short-sighted moron under that snappy haircut.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:49 Jon
8:50
Jon: 
Snyder half-swings.   Why do batters half-swing?   That doesn't accomplish anything, it's just silly.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:50 Jon
8:51
Jon: 
He's out.   Two away, guy on first.   Young is nearly picked off.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:51 Jon
8:52
Jon: 
2-0 on Upton.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:52 Jon
8:53
Jon: 
Upton lines to Drew!   Steve Phillips stands up, yells "ONE BROTHER LINES OUT TO THE OTHER BROTHER CIRCLE OF LIFE", loses his balance, falls 70 feet out the window, and breaks his neck.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:53 Jon
8:53
Jon: 
Inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:53 Jon
8:53
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Every Team has pulled even with ERRAY GAM
Monday June 23, 2008 8:53 Donut King
8:54
Jon: 
Whoa, I hadn't even been paying attention.   One intrepid avant-garder has sparked a following.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:54 Jon
8:54
Jon: 
Did you guys just see that Reese's commercial?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:54 Jon
8:54
Jon: 
Batman-themed Reese's cups.   They are shaped like the Batman logo.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:54 Jon
8:55
Jon: 
This is less Reese's cup.   What's the idea?   Do I really want the Bat-signal in my mouth, is it really worth it?
Monday June 23, 2008 8:55 Jon
8:55
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE FIFTH
Monday June 23, 2008 8:55 Jon
8:55
Jon: 
STILL NO SCORE
Monday June 23, 2008 8:55 Jon
8:55
Jon: 
LEAVE ME ALONE
Monday June 23, 2008 8:55 Jon
8:56
Jon: 
A fly-out to Young, one gone.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:56 Jon
8:57
Jon: 
I'll be right back with a special surprise!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:57 Jon
8:58
Jon: 
The Dugout's, and Baseball is Boring's, own Nick Dallamora is dropping by.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:58 Jon
8:58
Jon: 
He sucks, though, so just ignore him.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:58 Jon
8:59
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
Hi Nick!
Monday June 23, 2008 8:59 Wez
8:59
Jon: 
Back to action.   Crisp is up with two away.
Monday June 23, 2008 8:59 Jon
9:00
Jon: 
Nobody on base, Crisp makes quick work of himself.   Fifth inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:00 Jon
9:00
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
How does 22 + 22 + 56 finally add up to 100 correctly?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:00 Dave
9:01
Jon: 
I have manipulated the stats to reflect that 22 and 22 and 56 make 100.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:01 Jon
9:02
Jon: 
TOP OF THE SIXTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:02 Jon
9:03
Jon: 
Ellsbury has to grind his ass against the Green Monster to reach for the first out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Jon
9:03
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
I want Nick to answer.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Jack
9:03
Jon: 
Slight delay.   He's trying to install BonziBuddy right now.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Jon
9:03
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
If it has not become obvious by now (I dunno about ESPN, but NESN has showed them again since you mentioned it), the B E C K E T T guys are the strikeout counters, and last I checked it was BECKKKKKKETT (with appropriate backwards Ks for strikeouts looking). You know, like they do the Dice-KKKKKK thing when Matsuzaka pitches.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Guest
9:03
Jon: 
That's not even how it's spelled!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Jon
9:03
Jon: 
It's inconsistent and I reject it.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:03 Jon
9:04
Jon: 
Beckett earns a strikeout.  
Monday June 23, 2008 9:04 Jon
9:05
[Comment From Sgt HatredSgt Hatred: ] 
In other news, a terrorist attack is occurring.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:05 Sgt Hatred
9:05
Jon: 
Damn it, Sgt. Hatred!   You're off the force!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:05 Jon
9:05
Jon: 
Crisp snags the third out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:05 Jon
9:06
Jon: 
This Volkswagen commercial is a take-off of that old "Sprockets" SNL skit, right?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:06 Jon
9:07
Jon: 
It's by no means funny, but it's surely less bad than "The Love Guru."   I feel bad for Mike Myers.   It has to suck for a car to pick up your bit from 15 years ago and surpass you.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:07 Jon
9:07
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
BTW, BonziBuddy must absolutely detest Nick. Or his computer.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:07 Donut King
9:08
Jon: 
He said the monkey grinned at him, then he signed off AIM.   I am going to call the police.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:08 Jon
9:08
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:08 Jon
9:08
Jon: 
NOT A DAMN SCORE
Monday June 23, 2008 9:08 Jon
9:09
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
PITCHERS DUEL TO END ALL PITCHERS DUEL-TYPE ACTIONS!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:09 Donut King
9:09
Jon: 
Bringing the bile to my throat!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:09 Jon
9:10
Jon: 
Ellsbury pops out.   Two gone quickly.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:10 Jon
9:11
Jon: 
Pedroia grounds to Reynolds, who throws him out.   Inning over.   We are still scoreless in the baseball game.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:11 Jon
9:11
[Comment From StephSteph: ] 
Sadly, Youkilis getting hit in the eye by a baseball is the most entertaining thing to happen in this game thus far.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:11 Steph
9:12
Jon: 
I got to see the guys pull the tarp off at the beginning.   That was kind of cool in a History Channel "Modern Marvels" sort of way.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:12 Jon
9:12
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
This updates faster than Yahoo Sports does.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:12 Dave
9:12
Jon: 
GAME OVER
Monday June 23, 2008 9:12 Jon
9:13
[Comment From somethingcleversomethingclever: ] 
7 years ago Randy Johnson murdered a dove. It feels like yesterday.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:13 somethingclever
9:14
Jon: 
If I had seen that firsthand, I would have been changed forever.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:14 Jon
9:14
Jon: 
TOP OF THE SEVENTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:14 Jon
9:15
Jon: 
2-2 on Conor Jackson.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:15 Jon
9:15
Jon: 
That was quite a bit of movement on that pitch.   The PitchTrack trail looked like the "The More You Know" star graphic.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:15 Jon
9:16
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Conor is a weird name
Monday June 23, 2008 9:16 Dave
9:16
Jon: 
o it's ot!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:16 Jon
9:16
Jon: 
Full count.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:16 Jon
9:17
Jon: 
He leads off with a walk.   Chad Tracy bats.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:17 Jon
9:17
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
I challenge you to complete the rest of the BiB without using any n's
Monday June 23, 2008 9:17 Wez
9:17
Jon: 
Oh man, perfect excuse for cuss words.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:17 Jon
9:17
Jon: 
I wonder whether there are any cuss words that use the letter N?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:17 Jon
9:17
Jon: 
Buttmuch!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:17 Jon
9:18
Jon: 
2-2 on Tracy.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:18 Jon
9:19
Jon: 
Beckett now has 8 strikeouts.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:19 Jon
9:20
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
Beckkkkkkkket
Monday June 23, 2008 9:20 Jack
9:20
Jon: 
Now, what does a "t" signify, and how did he lose it?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:20 Jon
9:21
Jon: 
he still has one "t"!   he still has "tedium"!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:21 Jon
9:22
Jon: 
Reynolds knocks a single!   Men on first and second, one out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:22 Jon
9:22
Jon: 
Manny is DHing tonight.   I miss him in left field.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:22 Jon
9:23
Jon: 
Baseball already has way too much of people doing what they're good at.   We need more Dusties Baker managing and more Mannies Ramirez fielding.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:23 Jon
9:23
Jon: 
Chris Young doubles!   A runner scores!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:23 Jon
9:24
Jon: 
THERE IS A SCORE AND A GOD
Monday June 23, 2008 9:24 Jon
9:24
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 1, Red Sox 0.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:24 Jon
9:24
Jon: 
Snyder comes to the plate.   One away, chumps on second and third.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:24 Jon
9:25
Jon: 
Re: Manny's fielding
Monday June 23, 2008 9:25 Jon
9:25
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
I can imagine him begging Francona to put him at first when Youk got hurt
Monday June 23, 2008 9:25 Wez
9:25
Jon: 
I would crap my drawers if that were to happen.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:25 Jon
9:25
Jon: 
Imagine Manny Ramirez being the nucleus of every infield happening.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:25 Jon
9:26
Jon: 
Moss, Youkilis' replacement, bobbles the ball and a run scores.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:26 Jon
9:26
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 0.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:26 Jon
9:26
Jon: 
A rolling stone gathers no Kevin Youkilis.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:26 Jon
9:26
Jon: 
A rolling stone gathers no Kevin Youkilis.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:26 Jon
9:27
[Comment From Sgt HatredSgt Hatred: ] 
LIES 8:58 Jon - The Dugout's, and Baseball is Boring's, own Nick Dallamora is dropping by.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Sgt Hatred
9:27
Jon: 
Proof to the contrary!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Jon
9:27
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
lol
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Nick
9:27
Jon: 
Thanks for stopping by, Nick!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Jon
9:27
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
Offense & Nick. There is a God.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Jack
9:27
Jon: 
1-2 on Upton.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:27 Jon
9:28
Jon: 
2-2.   Friend on third, two away.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:28 Jon
9:28
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
I just want to say that if the Red Sox lose this game it's Jon's fault not mine.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:28 Nick
9:29
Jon: 
If I could determine the events of this game, they would have left the tarp on this rotten warehouse of a field and called it a day.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:29 Jon
9:29
Jon: 
Count's full on Upton.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:29 Jon
9:30
Jon: 
Upton walks and bangs his dong on the K-Zone.  
Monday June 23, 2008 9:30 Jon
9:31
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
You guys can check out my own liveblog of this game from the window adjacent to my laptop.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:31 Nick
9:31
Jon: 
Nick has left FanHouse to help run the show at bissinger.edu.   Best of luck, Nick!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:31 Jon
9:31
Jon: 
Runners on the corners, two away, 0-2 on Eric Byrnes.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:31 Jon
9:32
Jon: 
Byrnes' toddler hair is poking out the hole in his earflap.   He's the most Bad News Bears mother****er possible.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:32 Jon
9:33
Jon: 
Crisp pinches it for the third out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:33 Jon
9:33
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE SEVENTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:33 Jon
9:34
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, You 2, Me 2, Red Sox 0.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:34 Jon
9:35
Jon: 
The Regular/Weird balance has tipped back to 2/3.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:35 Jon
9:35
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
did nick vote
Monday June 23, 2008 9:35 Pete
9:35
Jon: 
Nah, he's 11.   Not old enough.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:35 Jon
9:35
Jon: 
I don't suppose any of you would like to explain your vote.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:35 Jon
9:36
Jon: 
I've only heard two somewhat satisfactory explanations.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:36 Jon
9:36
Jon: 
Drew leads off.   Haren is still on the mound.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:36 Jon
9:36
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
I thought it was coffee, I prefer regular.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:36 Dave
9:36
Jon: 
Weird coffee is just dirt and water.   Haven't you ever been a hobo?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:36 Jon
9:37
[Comment From JackJack: ] 
Will Drew fly out to Drew?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:37 Jack
9:37
Jon: 
He outs himself to Hudson, but that sure would have been neat.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:37 Jon
9:38
Jon: 
Manny whacks the plate with his bat.   0-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:38 Jon
9:39
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Do you think they live in a house together and argue a lot, but still love each other very much?
Monday June 23, 2008 9:39 Dave
9:39
Jon: 
Yep.   Kevin Drew made it big with Broken Social Scene, but the meatheaded J.D. and Stephen are stuck with the folks.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:39 Jon
9:40
Jon: 
Full count on Manny.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:40 Jon
9:40
Jon: 
He keeps this at-bat alive through fouls for reasons known only to him and God.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:40 Jon
9:40
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Manny seeing many (pitches)
Monday June 23, 2008 9:40 Dave
9:40
Jon: 
Bam.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:40 Jon
9:41
Jon: 
Haren hits him.   He jogs to first, where his mother is waiting with a Fruit Roll-Up and a hug.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:41 Jon
9:41
Jon: 
Lowell pokes it through.   Ramirez actually thought about going to third.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:41 Jon
9:42
Jon: 
Come on, Manny.   Put something in the world that ain't been there before.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:42 Jon
9:42
[Comment From AndrewAndrew: ] 
Manny hit on Handy
Monday June 23, 2008 9:42 Andrew
9:42
Jon: 
Bam!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:42 Jon
9:42
Jon: 
My "Bam"s may seem facetious, but I'm loving it.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:42 Jon
9:43
Jon: 
0-2 on Moss.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:43 Jon
9:43
Jon: 
Buddies on first and second, one out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:43 Jon
9:44
Jon: 
He dinks it down the first-base line.   Haren scoops it up and tags Moss.   Men on second and third.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:44 Jon
9:44
Jon: 
Varitek makes a home run cut with two out and men on second and third.   Good to know someone else out there gives as little a s*** as I do about the outcome of this game.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:44 Jon
9:45
Jon: 
0-2 on Varitek.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:45 Jon
9:45
Jon: 
Oh, and
Monday June 23, 2008 9:45 Jon
9:45
[Comment From Furzder DinfloopFurzder Dinfloop: ] 
DAN HBPAREN
Monday June 23, 2008 9:45 Furzder Dinfloop
9:45
Jon: 
lol
Monday June 23, 2008 9:45 Jon
9:45
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
lol
Monday June 23, 2008 9:45 Nick
9:46
Jon: 
2-2 on Varitek now.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:46 Jon
9:47
Jon: 
Haren manages to escape!   That's a euphemism for "Varitek mails in an at-bat."   Inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:47 Jon
9:47
Jon: 
See, if an athlete doesn't succeed, it's because he isn't trying.   See the ball, hit the ball.   Not hard.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:47 Jon
9:48
Jon: 
Time for the little boys' room.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:48 Jon
9:49
Jon: 
That's a euphemism for "bathroom", you sick mutts.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:49 Jon
9:49
Jon: 
TOP OF THE EIGHTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:49 Jon
9:49
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 0.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:49 Jon
9:50
[Comment From AndrewAndrew: ] 
Varitek looks like hes trying to start a lawnmower
Monday June 23, 2008 9:50 Andrew
9:50
Jon: 
I know he's not at the plate anymore, but I'm pretty sure this still applies.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:50 Jon
9:50
Jon: 
Stephen Drew is at bat.   Maybe he will hit the ball to right field.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:50 Jon
9:52
Jon: 
Beckett manages to wipe up his dribble and tag him out.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:52 Jon
9:52
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
not. even. close. EAT IT, PHILLIPS!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:52 Donut King
9:53
Jon: 
Hudson's flies out to Ellsbury.   Phillips is strangely silent this inning.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:53 Jon
9:54
Jon: 
Yeah, he definitely fell and broke his neck or something.   Obviously Man has not achieved the ability to shut him up, because he still gets a mic, so it must have just been dumb blind luck.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:54 Jon
9:55
Jon: 
Oh, here he is!   He's talking about how the Diamondbacks need to realize "reasons to grow."   I'm pretty sure he writes hooks for contemporary Christian music artists.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:55 Jon
9:55
Jon: 
Three outs.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:55 Jon
9:55
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE EIGHTH
Monday June 23, 2008 9:55 Jon
9:55
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 0.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:55 Jon
9:55
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
No wonder Switchfoot fell off the face of the earth.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:55 Donut King
9:56
Jon: 
My little sister emailed me a Switchfoot song the other day.   I was so disappointed.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:56 Jon
9:56
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
D-backs were meant to live for so much more
Monday June 23, 2008 9:56 Dave
9:56
Jon: 
I dare this goddamn game to move!
Monday June 23, 2008 9:56 Jon
9:57
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Be thankful it wasn't Jars Of Clay.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:57 Donut King
9:57
Jon: 
Yeah, I mean it could have been Ghoti Hook or somebody.   It could have certainly been worse.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:57 Jon
9:58
Jon: 
Pena comes on to relieve Haren.   A beach ball comes onto the field.   TAKE THE ENORMOUS HINT GUYS
Monday June 23, 2008 9:58 Jon
9:59
Jon: 
Pena just threw 98 according to the graphic, 97 according to the Fenway scoreboard.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:59 Jon
9:59
Jon: 
One away.
Monday June 23, 2008 9:59 Jon
10:00
Jon: 
Julio Lugo lopes to the plate.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:00 Jon
10:00
Jon: 
Dan Shulman, Steve Phillips' caretaker, looks like Turtle Guy from "The Master of Disguise".
Monday June 23, 2008 10:00 Jon
10:01
Jon: 
0-2 on Lugo, who, bless his heart, seems to put forth the image of caring.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:01 Jon
10:02
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
I don't believe what I just saw! a Kirk Gibson sighting!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:02 Donut King
10:02
Jon: 
My favorite part of that clip is Tommy Lasorda running.   You don't see his legs.   He looks like he's cheering in his Professor X hover-chair.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:02 Jon
10:03
Jon: 
Pena walks a fellow.   One on, one out.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:03 Jon
10:03
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i can never support julio lugo, i am committed to hate him, he always disappoints
Monday June 23, 2008 10:03 Pete
10:04
Jon: 
I know.   He just looks like the kind of guy who should be able to hit .280.   Maybe that's just because he looks like the kind of guy who couldn't do anything else at all.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:04 Jon
10:04
Jon: 
Base hit for Ellsbury.   Mopes on first and second, one away.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:04 Jon
10:05
Jon: 
Pedroia is up.   He makes the "friggin' guh!" face mid-swing.   0-1 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:05 Jon
10:06
Jon: 
It's the eighth inning and Boston fans are still here.   What is wrong with these people?   At least you and I didn't pay to sit where we're sitting.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:06 Jon
10:06
Jon: 
Pedroia singles!   Bases loaded, one out.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:06 Jon
10:07
Jon: 
Before that play:
Monday June 23, 2008 10:07 Jon
10:07
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
double steal
Monday June 23, 2008 10:07 Pete
10:07
Jon: 
I want to see a triple steal.   Come on, you bastards.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:07 Jon
10:07
Jon: 
Drew is up.   Manny's on deck.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:07 Jon
10:08
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
THE JET IS STEALING HOME! THEY DONT SEE IT!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:08 Pete
10:08
Jon: 
ELLSBURY GETS LOST IN THE SIXTIES!   WE NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:08 Jon
10:08
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
You're killing me, Smalls.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:08 Donut King
10:08
Jon: 
2-0 on Drew.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:08 Jon
10:09
Jon: 
Drew flies to deep center.   A run comes from third to score.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:09 Jon
10:09
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 1.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:09 Jon
10:09
Jon: 
And my dream of being able to type "manny hitting slammy" is vanquished.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:09 Jon
10:09
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
what is ellsbury's dugout name
Monday June 23, 2008 10:09 Pete
10:09
Jon: 
I don't even remember.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:09 Jon
10:10
Jon: 
McDonaldsby Wendysbury?
Monday June 23, 2008 10:10 Jon
10:10
Jon: 
0-1 on Manny.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:10 Jon
10:10
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
If that were Rick Ankiel throwing the ball, a spectator in the second deck would be bleeding profusely.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:10 Donut King
10:10
Jon: 
I like to think it would find a way to hit Youkilis in his eye.   Like the little kid from Freddy Got Fingered.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:10 Jon
10:11
Jon: 
Manny looks at ball one.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:11 Jon
10:11
Jon: 
Fouls it.   1-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:11 Jon
10:12
Jon: 
Outside, 2-2.   Pena obviously did not get the email.   Baseball is boring, knock it off.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:12 Jon
10:13
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i dont want to jinx this.. but 506?
Monday June 23, 2008 10:13 Pete
10:13
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
im knocking on wood
Monday June 23, 2008 10:13 Pete
10:13
Jon: 
Your fault if it doesn't happen.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:13 Jon
10:14
Jon: 
Snyder goes out to the mound to meet with Pena.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:14 Jon
10:14
Jon: 
Snyder walks back to the mound, tells Manny that he can knock a hundred dollars off that TrueCoat.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:14 Jon
10:14
Jon: 
Another foul off to the right.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:14 Jon
10:15
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
fargo?
Monday June 23, 2008 10:15 Pete
10:15
Jon: 
Yes sir!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:15 Jon
10:15
Jon: 
MARK REYNOLDS IS AN ASSHOLE
Monday June 23, 2008 10:15 Jon
10:15
Jon: 
Manny absolutely screams a liner to third.   Reynolds somehow manages to snag it.   Inning over.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:15 Jon
10:16
Jon: 
Wow, I was actually mad that someone didn't tie up the game.   I'm not sure what's wrong with me.   I'm...sorry.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:16 Jon
10:16
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Once again, this updates infinitely faster than Yahoo Sports
Monday June 23, 2008 10:16 Dave
10:16
Jon: 
Nobody can bulls*** faster than me.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:16 Jon
10:17
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
id use yahoo sports if they announced assholes during play
Monday June 23, 2008 10:17 Pete
10:17
Jon: 
Yeah, that's Baseball is Boring's slice of the market.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:17 Jon
10:18
Jon: 
TOP OF THE NINTH
Monday June 23, 2008 10:18 Jon
10:18
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 1.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:18 Jon
10:18
Jon: 
Aardsma hits the mound for the Sox.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:18 Jon
10:19
Jon: 
Tracy has worked an 0-2 count to a 2-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:19 Jon
10:19
Jon: 
Tracy lines it to center.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:19 Jon
10:20
Jon: 
Who is this Aardsma fellow?   Did Epstein just open the phone book and pick the first listing?
Monday June 23, 2008 10:20 Jon
10:20
Jon: 
"Mr. Aardsma?   I'd like to offer you a job."
Monday June 23, 2008 10:20 Jon
10:20
Jon: 
"SHUT UP I'M BUSY BEING BALD AND WEARING MY SOCKS INCREDIBLY HIGH"
Monday June 23, 2008 10:20 Jon
10:21
Jon: 
Reynolds is at bat.   Man on first, nobody out.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:21 Jon
10:21
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
He is on the fast track to playing for a team in each division.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:21 Wez
10:22
Jon: 
Like a junior-circuit Randy Ready.   I miss that guy.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:22 Jon
10:23
Jon: 
By the way, Burke is pinch-running for Tracy at first.   This is because no goateed man is capable of stealing a base.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:23 Jon
10:24
Jon: 
Burke was running for the second consecutive pitch.   The first time, Reynolds fouled it off.   The second, ball four.   Spectres on first and second, nobody out.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:24 Jon
10:24
[Comment From RICKY HENDERSONRICKY HENDERSON: ] 
RICKY HENNERSON WOULD CARE TO DIFFER
Monday June 23, 2008 10:24 RICKY HENDERSON
10:24
Jon: 
I guess I'm talking more about the lumberjack kind of s***.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:24 Jon
10:24
Jon: 
Young sac-bunts his friends over to second and third.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:24 Jon
10:25
Jon: 
That's pretty much as good as a home run.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:25 Jon
10:25
Jon: 
Man, Dan Shulman's nose.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:25 Jon
10:26
Jon: 
I don't have any piloting credentials, but I'm pretty sure I could land a Cessna on it.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:26 Jon
10:26
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
Jeff Bagwell stole 202 bases in his career.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:26 Wez
10:27
Jon: 
Yeah, only because it was offset by the ultimate comic-book stolen base name.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:27 Jon
10:27
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
strds
Monday June 23, 2008 10:27 Nick
10:27
Jon: 
Hi, Nick!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:27 Jon
10:28
Jon: 
0-1 on Upton.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:28 Jon
10:29
Jon: 
Aardsma's letters on his jersey look like they're in a different font.   No way that wasn't bought at Champs.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:29 Jon
10:29
Jon: 
To reset: bases loaded, one out, Upton at bat, 1-2 count.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:29 Jon
10:30
Jon: 
He strikes out.   A fellow in the stands stares down at his beer and shakes it.   Doubtlessly trying to figure out whether to get wasted or drive home.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:30 Jon
10:31
Jon: 
re: Aardsma's letters
Monday June 23, 2008 10:31 Jon
10:31
[Comment From AndrewAndrew: ] 
They're held on by velcro
Monday June 23, 2008 10:31 Andrew
10:31
Jon: 
He should try to jump backwards into Manny's hair and see what happens.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:31 Jon
10:32
Jon: 
Byrnes is doing all sorts of dumb ass theatrics.   He was almost hit in the head and ragdolls to the ground like a Rainbow Six baddie who just took a bullet in the nose.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:32 Jon
10:33
Jon: 
He strikes out.   Time to go finish that K'Nex fort you built in the dugout, Chucky.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:33 Jon
10:33
Jon: 
BOTTOM OF THE NINTH
Monday June 23, 2008 10:33 Jon
10:33
Jon: 
Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 1.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:33 Jon
10:33
Jon: 
Let's not get some runs!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:33 Jon
10:34
Jon: 
They already delayed the start of the game by a half hour.   They're on borrowed time as far as I'm concerned.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:34 Jon
10:34
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
don't tell Dallamora that.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:34 Donut King
10:34
Jon: 
He doesn't care, he's probably playing BonziCheckers as we speak.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:34 Jon
10:35
Jon: 
The pretty good Brandon Lyon takes the hill.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:35 Jon
10:35
Jon: 
Lowell, Moss and Varitek are due up.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:35 Jon
10:35
Jon: 
First pitch, Lowell flies out.   This is what I want to see!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:35 Jon
10:36
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Oh my gosh, Yahoo Sports, why have you forsaken me?!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:36 Dave
10:36
Jon: 
To be fair, at least Yahoo Sports isn't completely making up the events of this game.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:36 Jon
10:37
Jon: 
Moss fouls out.   Two away.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:37 Jon
10:37
Jon: 
Moss looks like a punter trying to throw a forward pass.   Grab some pine, meat.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:37 Jon
10:37
Jon: 
Varitek!   First pitch!   Flies out!  
Monday June 23, 2008 10:37 Jon
10:37
Jon: 
GAME OVER!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:37 Jon
10:37
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
this has definately been one of the more relaxed BiB's, we didn't time travel or anything
Monday June 23, 2008 10:37 Pete
10:38
Jon: 
Yeah, I didn't have anything else to do tonight, so I wasn't as antsy.   If I do one of these during the daytime, I want to go out and do stuff, so I tend to go insane around the sixth inning.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:38 Jon
10:38
Jon: 
Final score: Diamondbacks 2, Red Sox 1.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:38 Jon
10:39
Jon: 
And, by divine circumstance,
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
Jon: 
WEIRD 2, Regular 1.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
Jon: 
Regardless of whether it's justified.   I call shenanigans and bullshit.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
Jon: 
Now I'll go ahead and open it up to whoever wants to say what they want to say.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
Jon: 
GO
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Yay!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Dave
10:39
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Sorry guys, I'm a diamondbacks fan
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Dave
10:39
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
gj
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Nick
10:39
Jon: 
ty
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Jon
10:39
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
No one has actually scored, Jon is just trying to get out of this.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:39 Wez
10:40
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
red sogs
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Nick
10:40
[Comment From kckc: ] 
I'm pretty sure Lowell, Youkilis, and Varitek are all clones.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 kc
10:40
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
No, Jon. Either/or, but not both.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Donut King
10:40
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
I called shenanigans, and he said he would be over shortly.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Dave
10:40
[Comment From NickNick: ] 
ye\w
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Nick
10:40
[Comment From Furzder DinfloopFurzder Dinfloop: ] 
fenway was packed with diamondback bandwagoners. so annoying.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Furzder Dinfloop
10:40
[Comment From StephSteph: ] 
Hooray, WEIRD!!!!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Steph
10:40
Jon: 
Nonsense.   Nonsense!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Jon
10:40
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i hate lugo
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Pete
10:40
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
EVLY GAY! EVLY GAY!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Donut King
10:40
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
I will find a legitimate goatee wearing base stealer if it is the last thing I doQ
Monday June 23, 2008 10:40 Wez
10:41
Jon: 
That's your homework assignment, then.   Ryan Klesko doesn't count because he was babyfaced for most of his career.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Jon
10:41
[Comment From DaveDave: ] 
Yeah, the Diamondbacks has a bandwagon coming off a series sweep by the Twins.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Dave
10:41
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
best of luck to you wez.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Donut King
10:41
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
what does jose reyes have
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Pete
10:41
Jon: 
Yeah, as mentioned earlier, I'm disqualifying it because it's just too well maintained.   I'm talking about a sloppy stupid looking goatee.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Jon
10:41
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
ass patch.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Donut King
10:41
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
i think i win
Monday June 23, 2008 10:41 Pete
10:42
Jon: 
I don't think we're going to settle this tonight.   Another day.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Jon
10:42
[Comment From PetePete: ] 
damn thats hard
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Pete
10:42
[Comment From AndrewAndrew: ] 
when your first grand slam of the season comes tonight, and from a pitcher, you are doing it wrong
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Andrew
10:42
[Comment From WezWez: ] 
I'll get you PEeeeeeeeeeeetttttteeeeeee..........
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Wez
10:42
[Comment From Donut KingDonut King: ] 
Who cares. This game a-SPLODE!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Donut King
10:42
Jon: 
Indeed.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Jon
10:42
Jon: 
Thanks for accompanying me on my windmill-tilting adventure, friends.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:42 Jon
10:43
Jon: 
Regular is better than weird and you are all wrong.
Monday June 23, 2008 10:43 Jon
10:43
Jon: 
Goodbye!
Monday June 23, 2008 10:43 Jon
10:43



 
 
 
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