Omamas live chat with "Minimalist Parenting" authors Asha Dornfest, Christine Koh
Tuesday February 19, 2013
1:56
The Oregonian: 
Hello and welcome to our "Minimalist Parenting" live chat. Asha Dornfest, Christine Koh and The Oregonian's Omamas will join us at noon Thursday. Until then, please feel free to submit your comments and questions. We'll feed them into the chat starting at noon Thursday.
Tuesday February 19, 2013 1:56 The Oregonian
Thursday February 21, 2013
11:55
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Hi everybody. We are just setting up now. We'll start the conversation at noon.
Thursday February 21, 2013 11:55 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:00
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Hey I'm Kjerstin, one of the Omamas team, and your moderator today. I also have a 10-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl. Ladies, would you all say hello and tell us a little bit about yourselves?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:00
Asha Dornfest: 
Hi everyone! I'm Asha Dornfest -- coauthor of Minimalist Parenting and founder of the blog Parent Hacks. I live in NE Portland and have a 13 YO son and a 9 YO daughter. So excited to be here!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Asha Dornfest
12:00
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I'm Jill, A&E editor at The O and mom of a 1 1/2 year old. I reviewed Minimalist Parenting for Omamas.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:00
Amy Wang: 
Hi, I'm one of the Omamas. I have two boys, 8 and 5. I was secretly hoping that Minimalist Parenting was about sitting on the couch watching "Mad Men" while the kids made themselves cold cereal for dinner, but .. Just kidding. Thanks for joining us today, Asha and Christine!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Amy Wang
12:00
Kathy Hinson: 
Hi, I'm Kathy Hinson, one of the Omamas bloggers. My three kiddos are 19, 17 and 9. I have the privilege of knowing Asha Dornfest outside of work and the Omamas universe -- our youngest kids are classmates and pals.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Kathy Hinson
12:00
Christine Koh: 
Hi everyone! I'm Christine Koh -- I have an 8.5 year old and an almost 2 year old. BIG GAP! So happy to be here and I welcome all questions.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:00 Christine Koh
12:01
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
To get us started, Christine and Asha. Give us the quick definition of "Minimalist Parenting"?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:01 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:01
Asha Dornfest: 
Minimalist Parenting is really two things. It's identifying what you and your family uniquely consider important…
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:01 Asha Dornfest
12:02
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Minimalist is very hard to type. Let's say MP for short.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:02
Asha Dornfest: 
…and then, taking practical steps to clear away scheduling and physical clutter to "make room" for that important stuff.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Asha Dornfest
12:02
Asha Dornfest: 
The great thing about MP is that it's unique to each family. No "you must do XYZ" rules here. We're not about telling you how to parent…
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Asha Dornfest
12:02
Asha Dornfest: 
…we want to help you found your *own* parenting "right."
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Asha Dornfest
12:02
Christine Koh: 
Asha and I have been blogging for many years... we've heard over the years from so many parents...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Christine Koh
12:02
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
So why write this book now?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:02 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:03
Christine Koh: 
...that there's a palpable sense of overwhelm.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Christine Koh
12:03
Christine Koh: 
So many people have the best intentions for their kids, but the options are OVERWHELMING!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Christine Koh
12:03
Kathy Hinson: 
I think the MP idea of each family finding their own way and their own values is very refreshing.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Kathy Hinson
12:03
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Overwhelmed is right!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:03
Asha Dornfest: 
So many choices, right, Christine. It can paralyze you.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Asha Dornfest
12:03
Christine Koh: 
Yes, very much Kathy. Everyone's situation is unique.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:03 Christine Koh
12:04
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Who would you say is the target audience for this book?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:04 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:04
Christine Koh: 
This book will resonate for both moms and dads...and really, there's so much about general lifestyle editing too.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:04 Christine Koh
12:04
Asha Dornfest: 
Thanks, Kathy! It seems our parents felt a lot more comfortable following their own way than we do.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:04 Asha Dornfest
12:05
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
I have to say I thought I was the target -- busy working mom with kids in crazy school and after-school schedules. But after reading the book, it's really a great starter set for new parents.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:05
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I sort of see the two of you as the high school seniors who have it all figured out, while I'm a freshman just finding my way. I'm kinda jealous but I think it's the right time for me to establish minimalism.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:05
Asha Dornfest: 
Also, we talk about the pressures on both at-home and dual-working parents.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Asha Dornfest
12:05
Amy Wang: 
Love the phrase "lifestyle editing." Sometimes modern parenting can feel like keeping up with the Joneses.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Amy Wang
12:05
Christine Koh: 
Jillian: I was a total geek in high school. I didn't have anything figured out!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Christine Koh
12:05
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Great to know!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:05 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:06
Asha Dornfest: 
Jillian: we are clear in the book about NOT having it all figured out. One of our keys discussed in the book is "course correction..."
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Asha Dornfest
12:06
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Every mom needs a mentor, Jill!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:06
Amy Wang: 
Asha and Christine, do you see yourselves as following in the footsteps of Anna Quindlen's "good enough parenting"?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Amy Wang
12:06
Asha Dornfest: 
...that's okay -- necessary -- to adjust as you go along.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Asha Dornfest
12:06
Christine Koh: 
Also, Jillian, a big part of the book is that we advocate making change anytime. Just getting started is awesome. You don't need to have it all (or even partially) figured out now.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Christine Koh
12:06
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I met a few in the book, happily.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:06
Kathy Hinson: 
Jillian and I chatted after she wrote the book review, and how some things apply for her now as the mom of a toddler and then some things she's going to hang on to for when her son is approaching school age.
So, there's stuff to pick and choose no matter your kids' ages and your stage.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:06 Kathy Hinson
12:07
Asha Dornfest: 
Amy: there are many great conversations on this topic! Anna Quindlen, Pamela Druckerman, Wendy Mogel, Madeline Levine...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:07 Asha Dornfest
12:07
Amy Wang: 
Here is the Anna Quindlen article "The Good Enough Mother": http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2005/02/20/the-good-enough-mother.html
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:07 Amy Wang
12:08
Kathy Hinson: 
Yeah, Pamela Druckerman's book also resonates with some similar ideas of not bowing to others' ideas of what you should do.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:08 Kathy Hinson
12:08
Asha Dornfest: 
...Our perspective is about trusting your own gut on prioritizing and taking practical steps to find room for them.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:08 Asha Dornfest
12:08
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
I suppose I should just read the book, but... are you arguing that I should take my 4 year old out of karate and swimming classes?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:08 Guest
12:08
Christine Koh: 
RE: classes... the reality is, families differ. Some love being booked nearly every day, others need a lot of breathing room. Our recommendation: if you currently are feeling overwhelmed by the schedule, START EDITING.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:08 Christine Koh
12:09
Kathy Hinson: 
Here's a review of Pamela Druckerman's latest, "Bebe Day by Day."
http://blog.oregonlive.com/themombeat/2013/02/author_explains_french_way_of.html
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Kathy Hinson
12:09
Christine Koh: 
...And just do it bit by bit, remove one parameter and loosen up a degree of freedom.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Christine Koh
12:09
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
And, not parenting wise, Brene Brown's book on the gifts of imperfection really resonates with me: http://www.brenebrown.com/
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:09
Christine Koh: 
@Jillian YES. I am a Recovering Perfectionist. Life is much easier now. :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Christine Koh
12:09
Asha Dornfest: 
Re: extracurriculars: I just wrote a post TODAY about that topic. Will look for the link...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Asha Dornfest
12:09
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
i really appreciate the advice to carefully consider everything activity you put on your family's plate, what it will mean for the family's sked, stress and joy. Oh, for a couple of do-overs.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:09 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:10
Amy Wang: 
A couple of links: Wendy Mogel is the one who wrote "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee." http://www.wendymogel.com/books/skinned_knee/
Pamela Druckerman chatted with Kathy Hinson about her "Bringing up Bebe" books: http://blog.oregonlive.com/themombeat/2013/02/author_explains_french_way_of.html
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:10 Amy Wang
12:10
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
How can you assess when you need a do-over on those family commitments? When the karate is too much or the Cub Scouts put you over the top? That course correction could be painful.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:10 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:11
Kathy Hinson: 
Christine, your point about starting to edit if you feel overwhelmed is great. It reminds me of some posts I've seen about being an introvert and needing down time away from social input.
We also need to examine our kids' reactions, too -- are they overwhelmed by their schedule? Or is it us? How can we balance between introverts and extroverts in the family?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:11 Kathy Hinson
12:11
Asha Dornfest: 
Re: do-overs. Absolutely...changing course CAN be painful. But I think we all know there are few quick fixes in parenting, you know?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:11 Asha Dornfest
12:11
Amy Wang: 
Asha also mentioned Madeline Levine, whose work focuses on families that are stressed, anxious and exhausted. http://madelinelevine.com/
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:11 Amy Wang
12:11
Asha Dornfest: 
For me at least, making a decision or choice, sitting with it, then adjusting seems to work best.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:11 Asha Dornfest
12:12
Asha Dornfest: 
Not only is our schedule always evolving...so are my kids' interests and maturity levels.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:12 Asha Dornfest
12:12
Christine Koh: 
@Kathy Yes, our family is a mix on the introvert, extrovert spectrum. I think the important thing to recognize is that compromise needs to happen. It's a family system in the works, not just one person's agenda.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:12 Christine Koh
12:12
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
One thing that our family struggles is dealing with the schedules and commitments that feel out of our control. Sports for instance. You don't know what the heck the practice schedule will be when you sign the kids up, nor where the games or practices will take place. It's the nature of the beast. What advice do you have for families on that roller coaster? When the kids really want to be there.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:12 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:12
Asha Dornfest: 
Something I wrote this morning about finding your confidence as a parent: http://www.babble.com/babble-voices/the-accidental-expert/2013/02/21/french-parenting/
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:12 Asha Dornfest
12:13
[Comment From GuestGuest: ] 
I ask myself, "Does this add to my family's happiness?"
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:13 Guest
12:13
Amy Wang: 
It's not really a parenting book, but I just read Susan Cain's "Quiet," about introverts, and she is very persuasive about the benefits of the introvert approach to life - including when it comes to parenting.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:13 Amy Wang
12:13
Kathy Hinson: 
Nice question to always ask !
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:13 Kathy Hinson
12:13
Christine Koh: 
@Kjerstin That is really tough -- when the kids want more and more but the parents need to put the brakes on. But it's an important lesson for them to know that they are part of a system, and it's not OK for one person's agenda to drive the entire family's agenda.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:13 Christine Koh
12:13
Asha Dornfest: 
"Does this add to our happiness?" YES! I would add that "happiness" is more than just a fleeting feel-good feeling...it's an overall sense of well-being.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:13 Asha Dornfest
12:14
[Comment From MexicanbluefishMexicanbluefish: ] 
Also, I have a hard time thinking of things to do with my 4 year old... any resources you know of??
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:14 Mexicanbluefish
12:14
Christine Koh: 
@kjerstin Also, I am a big advocate of NOT FESTERING. And if you're resentful about driving your kids around to 18 things a week, that resentment will naturally go somewhere...probably toward the kid.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:14 Christine Koh
12:14
Kathy Hinson: 
Yes, and there are physical health apsects to happiness too! Too much stress and go-go living will lead to sick days from school and home.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:14 Kathy Hinson
12:14
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Mexicanbluefish, do you mean at home or out and about?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:14 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:16
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
I think it's also really hard to deal with those "what if" feelings. What if my putting the brakes on baseball means he'll never make the high school team. Or if she gives up on volleyball, how will we start a new sport as a teen?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:16
Asha Dornfest: 
Kjerstin: we talk about this a lot in the book. It's a natural feeling…we all have it.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Asha Dornfest
12:16
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
How will we? What does that tell you?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:16
Christine Koh: 
@Krjerstin Remember that activities will always be there in the future. You can come back to them. And that even if you spend a long time doing something, you may just not be interested in pursuing it later (this, from a 20+ year violinist who no longer plays).
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Christine Koh
12:16
Kathy Hinson: 
So it sounds like it's the classic parenting skill -- balancing the wants and needs of each family member, just like balancing how much time and energy gets allocated to each of your children.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Kathy Hinson
12:16
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
One point too is that "minimalist" in this context doesn't mean spartan -- it means what feels for your family system in the moment. You can keep some stuff or activities if they feel right.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:16 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:17
Asha Dornfest: 
We have to trust that "there's enough" in the world to go around.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:17 Asha Dornfest
12:17
Amy Wang: 
I like the Freudian slip "We." Which brings me to this point: What adults often view as "wasted" downtime - a kid lying on the rug fiddling with Legos - is not downtime at all when it comes to kids' development.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:17 Amy Wang
12:17
Kathy Hinson: 
Asha, great point about coming at things from a basis of abundance, not scarcity.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:17 Kathy Hinson
12:17
Asha Dornfest: 
...as for competitive sports, it's a matter of keeping the fun and learning balanced with the need to keep up. It's a tricky balance, to be sure.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:17 Asha Dornfest
12:18
Christine Koh: 
Yes @Jillian, we advocate assigning value -- what is beautiful and meaningful and important to one person (and worth holding on to) may not be the same for another.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:18 Christine Koh
12:18
Asha Dornfest: 
...also, I think we feel a sense of fear that NOT making the A-level teams somehow means "missing out" or "falling behind..."
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:18 Asha Dornfest
12:18
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I really love the idea that the fewer things we make available for our children, the more room there is for them to enjoy what they have.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:18 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:18
Kathy Hinson: 
Our earlier riff on feeling like it's high school comes to mind again, Christine. Not bowing to "peer pressure" that being a classic soccer mom is everything.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:18 Kathy Hinson
12:19
Asha Dornfest: 
...we would suggest that kids miss out when they have no time or space to identify their own interests and passions.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:19 Asha Dornfest
12:19
Christine Koh: 
Yes @Jillian. Classic "there's nothing to play with!" experience in a room replete with toys. You can't see what's in front of you when you're overwhelmed with stuff (mentally or physically)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:19 Christine Koh
12:19
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Both toys and time fillers. Cherishing a few is more valuable than amassing many.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:19 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:19
Asha Dornfest: 
Also, experiencing a little failure and disappointment in a relatively safe environment (the sports field for example) helps kids grow. Hard for us to watch, but so important.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:19 Asha Dornfest
12:20
Kathy Hinson: 
Good point. I find the most restful homes to visit have a lot of uncluttered spaces.
I aspire to that... don't make it though !
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:20 Kathy Hinson
12:20
Christine Koh: 
I will just throw out there that one of my favorite WIN FOR ALL activities with my kids? BAKING. Sensory exploration + immediate gratification. :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:20 Christine Koh
12:20
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Of course living that idea is harder than it sounds! I'm moving and clearing the clutter in our house is stressful.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:20 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:20
Kathy Hinson: 
Nice ! Baking is fun, and can help with math skills too.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:20 Kathy Hinson
12:21
Asha Dornfest: 
Jillian: we have found that the less pre-programmed entertainment there is, the more kids find their own fun. Especially younger kids.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Asha Dornfest
12:21
Christine Koh: 
@Jillian -- I love moving because it inspires me to get rid of stuff. :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Christine Koh
12:21
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Christine, I loved reading about you cooking with your daughters. When she takes over making the soup, I teared up. That's my dream.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:21
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Christine, how did you make that happen?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:21
Christine Koh: 
Oh man @Kjerstin it was AMAZING. She also makes insanely good quesadillas.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Christine Koh
12:21
Kathy Hinson: 
My 17-year-old made dinner last night ! Isn't it great ??
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:21 Kathy Hinson
12:22
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
@Christine yep. Lots of clothes swap material. And I'm using the MP trash bag system. So helpful!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:22 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:22
Kathy Hinson: 
I was so proud of her I took a picture of the dish (Basque chicken) and sent it to my sister and my significant other.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:22 Kathy Hinson
12:22
Christine Koh: 
@Kjerstin Big part of it for me was encouraging exploration and LETTING GO OF PERFECTION. Like, who cares if the veggies are all cut up uniformly? I've had her in the kitchen with me since toddlerhood but you can start any time.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:22 Christine Koh
12:22
Amy Wang: 
Can we talk about the schools' role in "must keep them scheduled" and how MP can push back? We are constantly getting fliers in the kids' backpacks for extracurriculars. In one week we got pitches for baseball, lacrosse, Young Rembrandts and Mad Science. Then the kids beg us to sign them up for half the stuff.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:22 Amy Wang
12:23
Christine Koh: 
Yay @Jillian! Also, I use donationtown.org regularly to coordinate pickups when I have a lot of stuff to give away.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:23 Christine Koh
12:23
Asha Dornfest: 
Kathy: you mentioned peer pressure -- we feel it among parents. So true! Doesn't it seem like OTHER PEOPLE have it all figured out? Guess what: they don't! We're all juggling!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:23 Asha Dornfest
12:23
Kathy Hinson: 
Amy, do they then enjoy them ? or complain?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:23 Kathy Hinson
12:23
Amy Wang: 
One enjoys everything. The other gets halfway through and then regrets it.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:23 Amy Wang
12:23
Christine Koh: 
@Kathy I WANT BASQUE CHICKEN and I don't even know what that is exactly.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:23 Christine Koh
12:24
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
School is another great source of anxiety for a lot of families. Christine and Asha, can you talk a bit about your approach to guiding your children's education? Finding the "best" school, for starters.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:24 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:24
[Comment From LesleeLeslee: ] 
Kids need to learn to make choices and discover their own priorities.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:24 Leslee
12:24
Asha Dornfest: 
Amy: it's our job to be the filters, you know? There are more choices out there for everything than we can possibly handle. I talk to my kids all the time about the need for everyone's activities to work for THE WHOLE FAMILY.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:24 Asha Dornfest
12:25
Christine Koh: 
Oh man @Kjerstin, I could write a manifesto on this. But for starters, I will say that if your kid is basically in a safe and comfortable learning environment, they will probably be fine. I think it's more about where the kid is at, and parental support.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:25 Christine Koh
12:25
Kathy Hinson: 
That's a good lesson for them when they get to college, the workplace ... make it work for the whole "team" or group.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:25 Kathy Hinson
12:25
Christine Koh: 
My experience here is grounded in being a terribly unmotivated student in high school (no one believes me, but solid C's) and it wasn't until I got to college that my spark was ignited. And I went on to get a Ph.D.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:25 Christine Koh
12:26
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Readers, chime in with your suggestions, too. I loved that about the MP book is that Christine and Asha incorporate wisdom from lots of parents who post to their blogs.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:26 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:26
Christine Koh: 
YES @Leslee! couldn't agree more!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:26 Christine Koh
12:26
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
I agree that it's really important to let kids experience the "ups and downs" of life, even if it's not the best teacher, or a poor text book. That kind of thing.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:26 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:26
[Comment From LennyPattonLennyPatton: ] 
I haven't read the book yet, what are your thoughts on chores?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:26 LennyPatton
12:27
Asha Dornfest: 
On chores: WE SUPPORT THEM! :) Seriously, that is a major theme in the book…that giving kids *real* responsibility not only eases your workload (eventually) it gives kids real, esteem-building skills.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Asha Dornfest
12:27
Kathy Hinson: 
Chores are essential ! Again, you are teaching about thinking of the whole family, not just one person.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Kathy Hinson
12:27
Asha Dornfest: 
More about chores: frankly, we think it's more important for kids to do them then add another "activity." The way we see it, it's "extracurricular enrichment" right at home!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Asha Dornfest
12:27
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Good question, Lenny. Chores are a blessing and a curse in our house.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:27
Kathy Hinson: 
It's not bad to say "we all do work for the house and the family ... tonight your work is setting the table."
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Kathy Hinson
12:27
Christine Koh: 
Also, re: education, it's important to remember that there's so much that happens outside the school. And being at a "top" school will come with its own challenges too.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:27 Christine Koh
12:28
Kathy Hinson: 
And, really, if you catch kids young enough they LOVE to do "big people" tasks like they see parents do.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:28 Kathy Hinson
12:29
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
What are your thoughts on boosting kids' test scores with outside clubs, tutoring, enrichment classes. I see so much pressure put on kids to achieve at young ages.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:29 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:29
Asha Dornfest: 
Re: test scores. Hm. Yes, they count for something on college applications. But we tend to forget that even a glittering academic career doesn't necessarily set kids up for success in adulthood.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:29 Asha Dornfest
12:29
Amy Wang: 
Kathy: So true about the "big people" tasks. My 8-year-old said the other day that he had a lot of fun helping me clean his old bath toys to give to our friends' babies.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:29 Amy Wang
12:30
Asha Dornfest: 
There's an odd flip side to years of straight A's in school...real life tends to be a lot harder to navigate.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Asha Dornfest
12:30
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
My toddler loves to sweep and rearrange the spice rack!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:30
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
Middle school: a good time for editing. Your thoughts on finding the real passion...rather than continuing on school age passions..
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Char
12:30
Christine Koh: 
@Kjerstin, I'm so anti pushing kids re: test scores. My dad used to drill us on vocabulary and math (10 pushups for every incorrect answer...not kidding) and I spent so much time being resentful, I learned nothing.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Christine Koh
12:30
Christine Koh: 
One would think I'd have better upper body strength...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Christine Koh
12:30
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Christine, bless your heart.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:30
Kathy Hinson: 
Yes, Char, that's true ! You're setting them up to find their career path and choose a major soon !
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:30 Kathy Hinson
12:31
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
Transition to adolescence & editing those activities you've been doing awhile. your thoughts?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:31 Char
12:31
Asha Dornfest: 
Char: my son is in 7th grade and it's SUCH an exciting time. Yes yes yes to making room for middle schoolers to find their own passions.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:31 Asha Dornfest
12:31
Christine Koh: 
@Char I think part of it is putting out options (as there's available bandwidth in the schedule) and seeing what sticks. This is the approach we've used with my 8 year old, who tends to be reluctant towards extracurriculars.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:31 Christine Koh
12:31
Kathy Hinson: 
And helping middle schoolers reflect on their own likes / dislikes may help them resist peer pressure?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:31 Kathy Hinson
12:31
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Readers, please don't let us dominate the conversation! Please keep chiming in with those thoughts and questions.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:31 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:32
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
how...say more?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:32 Char
12:32
Asha Dornfest: 
Middle school: important, too, I think to note that it's not just a precursor to high school...it's a time to build confidence, social skills and all the other non-academic stuff we need to thrive as we grow.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:32 Asha Dornfest
12:32
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Char, do you have a middle-schooler? What direction is he/she heading in terms of a new passion?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:32 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:32
Asha Dornfest: 
Char: How? Well, we just keep the schedule open. Right now my son is studying for his bar mitzvah. He also wants to learn guitar. The guitar will wait till after the bar mitzvah!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:32 Asha Dornfest
12:33
Kathy Hinson: 
char, maybe help direct their sorting out of likes, dislikes --- ask lots of dinnertime questions about which classes they like and why. Which PE activities, etc.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:33 Kathy Hinson
12:33
Asha Dornfest: 
Char: of course there's more to it, but it starts with the simple need to keep open space in our lives. Including space for kids to feel bored for a while...some "passions" don't make themselves apparent right away.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:33 Asha Dornfest
12:33
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Middle school is a bit tricky too, in that a lot of kids have found their area of expertise. It can be challenging for a kid to start as a newbie at 11, 12 or 13.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:33 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:34
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
they are changing..and what they like is changing...losing interest in music that they played for years...igood idea to take a break & come back to it maybe..Christine can you say more about your violin adventures please :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:34 Char
12:34
Christine Koh: 
Also, one thing occurred to me today re: communicating with kids. Sometimes changing the scenery really helps. Sometimes at home Laurel clams up about stuff... but today, we went out to a museum... had time to stroll around ...she shared a bunch of things I had no idea were rolling around in her head.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:34 Christine Koh
12:34
[Comment From SallySally: ] 
What is your stance on discipline?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:34 Sally
12:35
Christine Koh: 
@Char I was pushed. Hard. But I grew to love it. I played for 20+ years but don't play now. And it's been hard for me to think about returning (especially to classical, which is so demanding)...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:35 Christine Koh
12:35
Amy Wang: 
Christine: Totally agree on the change of venue for conversations. My older boy is the classic clam at the dining room table, chatter from the back seat of the car.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:35 Amy Wang
12:35
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
But Christine, you also asked to take a break from violin as a kid didn't you?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:35 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:36
Kathy Hinson: 
I like the idea of using new surroundings to shake loose kids' thoughts, like the museum trip or vacation.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:36 Kathy Hinson
12:36
Christine Koh: 
...HOWEVER @Char, I think I've identified the key, which is to change things up... so, instead of going back to classical, try connecting with my inner rock star. Also, I've been experimenting with mandolin. There's always time to return and change course.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:36 Christine Koh
12:36
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
And those skills you learn as a musician pay off, with other musical pursuits or simply in terms of self-discipline, working as a team, etc.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:36 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:36
Amy Wang: 
Here's an Omamas podcast we did a while back on kids and activities. http://blog.oregonlive.com/themombeat/2010/03/omama_podcast_kids_and_activit.html
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:36 Amy Wang
12:37
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
20 years is a long time..you played through high school & more then..
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Char
12:37
Christine Koh: 
Yes @Kjerstin @Char, I had a monster fight with my mom, trying to quit violin when I was in 5th grade. But there were other things in the way (peer pressure to join chorus, my own frustration with not excelling fast enough). When I told my mom, we were able to work on some of that...and then my love for music really blossomed.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Christine Koh
12:37
Asha Dornfest: 
Just wanted to let everyone know that we're doing a companion workshop called MinCamp that can help everyone get started with the principles we're talking about here…
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Asha Dornfest
12:37
Asha Dornfest: 
…one email per day with a doable task that will help with scheduling, decluttering, meal planning and self care. http://bit.ly/mincamp
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Asha Dornfest
12:37
Kathy Hinson: 
You can also take unconventional approaches to "music training" or appreciation. My ex takes the older kids to live music and concerts. They love it -- dad time, a very grown-up activity. It's another way to connect them to music even if not playing.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Kathy Hinson
12:37
Christine Koh: 
Yes @Char, I played all the way through grad school -- semi-pro orchestra by the time I left.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Christine Koh
12:37
Asha Dornfest: 
Sally (on discipline): "Discipline" means different things to different people. We absolutely believe that parents need to be the leaders and limit-setters…
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:37 Asha Dornfest
12:38
Asha Dornfest: 
…and that one's particular "style" of discipline needs to be authentic to you and your particular background.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:38 Asha Dornfest
12:38
Christine Koh: 
Also, re: music. Classical is not for everyone. Laurel has been interested in piano but formal lessons, not doing it for her. So my husband taught her chords to a song she likes and all of a sudden SHE WAS PLAYING NEIL YOUNG. Whoa.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:38 Christine Koh
12:38
Asha Dornfest: 
...that said, there's room for adjustment. We found that one approach that works with one kid does NOT work with the other. We've had to find the right discipline strategies for each.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:38 Asha Dornfest
12:39
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Nice! My daughter's interest in piano blossomed when she discovered ragtime.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:39
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
on the same track Christine...maybe rock star violinist...there's so many options now...Christine,
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Char
12:39
Christine Koh: 
@Kjerstin AWESOME! We should form a cross country band!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Christine Koh
12:39
Amy Wang: 
I'd like to go back to clutter. Our biggest problem with the kids is getting them to take responsibility for keeping their room neat. We don't need it spotless. But we would like to walk across the room without impaling ourselves on Legos, pens, Bey-Blade pieces, etc. What's the MP solution?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Amy Wang
12:39
Kathy Hinson: 
Ah, yes. Asha, the different approaches to discipline ... but then kids complain the siblings have it easier.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Kathy Hinson
12:39
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Can we talk a little about self care and partner care? I tend to feel guilty taking time for a pedi or to read quietly when my husband, a terrific parent in his own right, handles a lot of household duties because he works from home. How do you help get grown-up needs met and not do mommy-martyr mode?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:39
Asha Dornfest: 
Does everyone here see why it was so fun to be Christine's coauthor?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:39 Asha Dornfest
12:40
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
right Christine...were there times that you felt you needed a break from classical & if so, what worked for you to keep you playing..
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:40 Char
12:40
Christine Koh: 
RE: self care we are firm believers that SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH. It's important for so many reasons, among them: they reduce festering, model important habits for kids, and push the all important reset button.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:40 Christine Koh
12:40
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Christine and Asha are working on two good questions: self-care and defeating the clutter. Answers on the way....
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:40 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:41
Asha Dornfest: 
Amy (on clutter): My kids' rooms are messy, too. Let's just say, for us it's a longer-term fix than I would like! ...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:41 Asha Dornfest
12:41
Kathy Hinson: 
Self-care is important, but so hard to take time for. Yes, we're supposed to" put on our own oxygen masks first," as it were, but then the guilt !!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:41 Kathy Hinson
12:41
Christine Koh: 
I think one source of paralysis around self-care is time. It's perfectly OK for the self-care window to be 10-15 minutes, it doesn't have to be an hour (though I wouldn't turn down a massage).
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:41 Christine Koh
12:41
Asha Dornfest: 
Clutter, con't: ...one thing that has helped is to structure a system of routines for them to actually clean their rooms, and to tie those routines to privileges...like video game time.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:41 Asha Dornfest
12:42
Asha Dornfest: 
Amy: "Sure, you can play video games, after you've spent 15 minutes tidying your room."
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:42 Asha Dornfest
12:42
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Another de-clutter tip: don't acquire it in the first place. Seriously helps,.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:42 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:42
[Comment From Buddy TBuddy T: ] 
As a dad, my boys seem more interested in their things (i.e. toys, video games, etc.) than spending time with me and my wife. Any suggestions?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:42 Buddy T
12:42
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
And 10-15 minutes I could find during the work day for self care, then spell hubby when I get home. Great idea, Christine.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:42 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:42
Christine Koh: 
@Char I was on a pretty steady track, motivated by recitals, concerts, etc... I really didn't stop until I had Laurel and my Dad was also dying (and I was part of his care team)... it was just too hard to maintain.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:42 Christine Koh
12:43
Kathy Hinson: 
Does anyone go with the "your room, your concern" approach? I just want help with the main rooms of the house.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:43 Kathy Hinson
12:43
Asha Dornfest: 
Buddy T: How old are your boys?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:43 Asha Dornfest
12:43
Christine Koh: 
RE: self care, I'm a huge fan of taking turns or doing shifts. On weekends, I'll go for a run and then swap in my husband will go. So restorative for everyone.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:43 Christine Koh
12:43
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Your room, your concern? To a point, yes. You're right, Kathy, about picking your battles.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:43 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:43
[Comment From Buddy TBuddy T: ] 
10 and 8
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:43 Buddy T
12:44
Kathy Hinson: 
I try to just have the rule of no bug-attracting dirty dishes in the room.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:44 Kathy Hinson
12:44
Christine Koh: 
@Buddy T -- can you intersect and do stuff together, e.g., dance Wii? I have seen so many kids and parents have fun with that together!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:44 Christine Koh
12:44
Asha Dornfest: 
(On kids wanting to play with stuff rather than spend time with you) Buddy T: Got it! And totally hear you. We actually enforce a weekly board game night, and we put all devices "to bed" after dinner...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:44 Asha Dornfest
12:45
Asha Dornfest: 
...believe me, it's not a popular choice with our son, and some evenings it doesn't work out well (whining, irritated...him AND us!). But more often than not, we find ourselves having fun.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:45 Asha Dornfest
12:45
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Folks, we have about 10 minutes left to chat. What else do you have to say? Or ask Christine and Asha?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:45 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:45
Kathy Hinson: 
Does anyone think it "counts" if you're doing the same solitary activity in same room? reading together, individual devices/games?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:45 Kathy Hinson
12:45
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
could you pl. what are the tween/ teen parents using as digital time limits week days & week-ends
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:45 Char
12:46
Asha Dornfest: 
...we try to come up with fun alternatives for family time. Very rarely do they compete with video games on the "fun" level but we stick to our guns.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Asha Dornfest
12:46
Christine Koh: 
Yes @Kathy! One of my favorite things is cuddling up with Laurel and reading together. I never had a chance to do that with my parents (I was 6th of 7)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Christine Koh
12:46
Amy Wang: 
Buddy T: Board and card games have been surprisingly popular with my boys. We have branched away from the usual Sorry and Monopoly into other games that they frequently ask to play: Ingenious, Ticket to Ride, Uno, Bananagrams.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Amy Wang
12:46
[Comment From LesleeLeslee: ] 
Any suggestions for single parents?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Leslee
12:46
Kathy Hinson: 
My two girls (son off to college) and I often have "reading hour" after dinner. It's lovely. And kind of self-care even with kids in room :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Kathy Hinson
12:46
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
as well on sharing passwords with parents...what are healthy guidelines in your experience
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:46 Char
12:47
[Comment From Buddy TBuddy T: ] 
That's a great idea Christine. My kids like playing Rock Band and that could be a fun multi-player game that we can all enjoy. I don't see putting the devices "to bed" after dinner as being too popular at first, but I'm sure it's something they can get used to.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:47 Buddy T
12:47
Asha Dornfest: 
Char: We've relaxed the video game limits a bit in an effort to start the conversation about self-regulation and balance.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:47 Asha Dornfest
12:47
Kathy Hinson: 
Single parenting makes it all a bit harder. Don't be afraid to insist on self-care, insist that everyone helps w/chores.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:47 Kathy Hinson
12:47
Christine Koh: 
@Leslee Community is SO important. Swapping time, sharing the responsibility... do you have a solid school/neighborhood community?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:47 Christine Koh
12:47
Amy Wang: 
Buddy T: You could always start slow with putting devices to bed. Maybe just on Saturday nights at first, then as they get used to it, add more nights.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:47 Amy Wang
12:48
Asha Dornfest: 
Re: video game limits: it's a mixed bag (relaxing the limits) but it has led to great talks on life balance, friendship, and what you're "giving up" when you spend 3 hours in front of a screen.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Asha Dornfest
12:48
Christine Koh: 
Also, @Leslee I assumed time was the issue -- are there other specific things you are wondering about?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Christine Koh
12:48
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I was raised by a single mom, but she worked really hard at getting friends and neighbors she trusted to help out, and my sisters and I became really good at entertaining ourselves.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:48
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
We definitely have access to our kids digital accounts. Their email feeds to my phone, for instance. And my daughter has to keep me in her social media circles.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:48
[Comment From Buddy TBuddy T: ] 
Thanks Amy, I'll try that.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Buddy T
12:48
Asha Dornfest: 
(Vid game limits) That said, there are upsides to video games and electronics, as it's a social activity for many older kids. We encourage group gaming as much as possible.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Asha Dornfest
12:48
[Comment From LesleeLeslee: ] 
Self-care time feels like "abandon the kid" time!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:48 Leslee
12:49
Christine Koh: 
@Buddy T It's good exercise too! I've broken a major sweat dancing Apache :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:49 Christine Koh
12:49
Kathy Hinson: 
Leslee, self-care time can also be "showing my child what a rounded life looks like" time !!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:49 Kathy Hinson
12:49
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
And making mom easier to be around time!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:49 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:50
Christine Koh: 
Oh no @Leslee it's not... as Kathy said, you are modeling good behavior for them...iAsha is digging up our quote on this.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Christine Koh
12:50
Kathy Hinson: 
Leslee, check out Pamela Druckerman's thoughts on parents taking time to have an adult life. You want the kids to understand that they are not the center of everything. It's good for them to see rounded, full lives.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Kathy Hinson
12:50
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Leslee- I definitely felt my mom's stress when she didn't get her own time. Internalized it and thought it was my fault.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:50
[Comment From LesleeLeslee: ] 
And teaches him some self-reliance for a an hour!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Leslee
12:50
Christine Koh: 
YES, having kids understand they are not the center of everything will make them more resilient moving forward. It's all good.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Christine Koh
12:50
Asha Dornfest: 
Leslee: Here's why we think self-care is NOT "abandon the kid" time: https://www.facebook.com/MinimalistParenting/photos_stream
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:50 Asha Dornfest
12:51
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
I always try to imagine what skills I would look for in an employee. Would I hire someone who thinks he's the center of the universe? Um, no.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:51 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:51
Asha Dornfest: 
(Leslee) that said I know that there are real limits on what one can cram in to a day.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:51 Asha Dornfest
12:51
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
@Kjersten what digital tools are you using for that email-phone link..thanks!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:51 Char
12:51
Kathy Hinson: 
at the risk of sounding like I'm in "quality time" days gone by, if you focus on the child when it's kid time, a little "you time" is reasonable too.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:51 Kathy Hinson
12:52
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
I have multiple email accounts feed to my iPhone. Very simple to add the kids' accounts. It's a tip I got from one of my favorite mom mentors. I don't use it to spy, just to keep us all in the loop.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:52 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:52
Asha Dornfest: 
(Leslee) but talking to your kid about WHY self-care helps you be a better mom can help. IE connection between a 15-min jog and a better mood for example.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:52 Asha Dornfest
12:52
Amy Wang: 
One more thought on video game/screen time: Our kids take many of their cues from us. If we're glued to our digital devices when we're with them...
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:52 Amy Wang
12:53
Christine Koh: 
Also, one thing about self-care... doing it is good. Your kids will know when you're exhausted, fed up, etc... When my 8yo said, "Mom, I better give you a massage...you look really tired" I thought... "This is not HER responsibility"
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Christine Koh
12:53
Asha Dornfest: 
So true, Amy. (All of us are sitting here nodding!)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Asha Dornfest
12:53
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Good point, Amy. Those social media apps on your phones can be very addictive.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:53
Kathy Hinson: 
That's a hard one to live up to, Amy, but so valuable.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Kathy Hinson
12:53
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
request to omamas! I can see a whole online chat session on the topic on the challenges of raising kids in a hyper-digital world....any chance that could happen :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Char
12:53
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
Good idea! We'll start brainstorming. Know anybody we should be sure to include?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:53
Asha Dornfest: 
I so wish were all in the same room sharing a pot of coffee. This is so fun.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Asha Dornfest
12:53
[Comment From LesleeLeslee: ] 
Take the massage, Christine!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:53 Leslee
12:54
Christine Koh: 
I will bring the brownies next time.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Christine Koh
12:54
Amy Wang: 
Char: I was just talking about that today with a colleague. And it really is a new parenting challenge. Minecraft is a great example.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Amy Wang
12:54
Kathy Hinson: 
That would be great, Char ! Digital dangers are a huge topic of concern for me.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Kathy Hinson
12:54
Christine Koh: 
She's actually pretty good @Leslee :-)
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Christine Koh
12:54
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
I could stay and learn from you ladies all day!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:54
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
We are almost out of time. Last thoughts before we sign off? Readers, Omamas, Asha and Christine?
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:54 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:55
Kathy Hinson: 
The most important thing is to trust yourself and what you think is right for your family. You're unique !
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Kathy Hinson
12:55
Asha Dornfest: 
So grateful for everyone taking time out of their day to be with us! My final thought: just to know that you already have everything you need to be a fantastic parent.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Asha Dornfest
12:55
Christine Koh: 
I have so loved chatting with you all today! Let's keep in touch! Asha mentioned MinCamp (minimalistparenting.com/mincamp) and we're active on Twitter (@minparenting) and Facebook.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Christine Koh
12:55
Asha Dornfest: 
Such thoughtfulness and caring here!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Asha Dornfest
12:55
Christine Koh: 
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't issue virtual fist bumps and unicorns to all. LET'S DO THIS THING!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Christine Koh
12:55
Jillian Cohan Martin: 
Read the book. Make time in 15 minute self-care increments. Then give it to your partners and friends. You'll be glad you did.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Jillian Cohan Martin
12:55
Asha Dornfest: 
RAINBOW UNICORNS. Ahem.
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Asha Dornfest
12:55
[Comment From CharChar: ] 
well I saw it in the oregonian today...be great to have more middle school parents sharing their best practices...what works..also be great to hear from some brain experts about how the forming brain at this juncture..
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:55 Char
12:56
[Comment From Elizabeth KElizabeth K: ] 
love the idea of group gaming!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:56 Elizabeth K
12:56
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
This has been great fun. Thank you all for being momma mentors. We learn so much from each other! And if you have other chat topics in mind, shoot us an email at omamas@oregonian.com
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:56 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:56
Christine Koh: 
Funny, I actually used to be a brain expert! #WORLDSCOLLIDING!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:56 Christine Koh
12:56
Kjerstin Gabrielson: 
And dad mentors, too. Take care!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:56 Kjerstin Gabrielson
12:56
Amy Wang: 
A&C: Thanks for the encouragement!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:56 Amy Wang
12:57
Kathy Hinson: 
Thanks !!
Thursday February 21, 2013 12:57 Kathy Hinson
12:57
 

 
 
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