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8:44

Megan - Morning, Alex!

We are apparently finally practicing the withdrawal method in Iraq, after all that surging, and the Iraqis really like it. They're making a whole holiday out of it!

8:46

Pareene - I love that trumpet-playin guy. It's like they are having a New Orleans funeral for our endless occupation. With maybe a few more guns.

8:48

Pareene - Anyway this means we won, right? Or... did they win? Someone has won.

8:49

Pareene - Oh, hah, right, global oil companies won.

8:50

Megan -

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/89477/thumbs/r-IRAQ-large.jpg

They have fireworks, too! Which I'm sure makes the gun-owners slightly more edgy.

Well, everyone knows we already won back when Bush announced Mission Accomplished. And the oil companies won as soon as we invaded, naturally, because they are winning-er than anyone.

8:51

Pareene - I know! They always win! So why is Dick Cheney so mad?

8:54

Pareene - Guess he hoped he'd be invited to a National Sovereignty Day party.

8:54

Pareene - He is a man who enjoys shooting firearms wildly.

8:54

Megan - Maybe because Halliburton hasn't hired him back yet? Or because a withdrawal from Baghdad leaves him with less flesh on which to feed to maintain his youthful appearance? Maybe he's like the goo from Ghostbusters II and can only grow stronger when people are mean and pissed off?

8:55

Pareene - That would explain why he was wheelchair-bound during the Obama inauguration. That was sort of the real-world equivalent of when the Statue of Liberty came to life and made all those '80s New Yorkers feel all patriotic.

8:56

Pareene - In fact I think I will start referring to him as former Vice President VIGO

8:58

Megan - Luckily, shit like this story about "Queen Michelle" and how much of the LGBT community now feels about Obama is helping him regain his strength. Now he just needs a baby to whom to transfer his immortal soul and a familiar to help raise him to power.... OMG, he's going to take Trig! And be raised by Sarah Palin!

9:03

Pareene - Oh christ, that Politico story. It's nice of the author to throw in gratuitous Yoko-bashing there. I can't believe Michelle is going to break up Barack Obama's band! And get him to release a really well-regarded solo album of stripped-down personal songs of loss and anger.

9:05

Pareene - And also, yes, god forbid an unelected executive branch official with a huge staff actually try to influence any policy beyond telling kids to read and just say no. You know, besides, like members of the cabinet, and various hundreds of policy advisers, and Vice President VIGO.

9:07

Megan - See, I feel like it's a capitalist problem: she isn't getting paid to do any work, so any work she does for her country isn't patriotic, it's like Socialism. And we all know that's bad.

It is at least heartening to know that the only way to get published in a major news outlet isn't to write something smart or thoughtful, but to write something deliberately contrarian, pointless and somewhate sexist. At least I know what I've been doing wrong.

Also: is Yoko-bashing ever going to get old? I've never understood why she gets tagged as Svengali in that situation when it was obviously a somewhat dysfunctional relationship at that stage anyway.

9:10

Pareene - Yeah I mean Yoko is not the reason Paul quit the band, which he did, first. Anyway yes I thought you'd learned by now that your best bet for advancement in media is to always be trashing ladies! It would work especially well for you, because there a lady who explains how weak, silly, and foolish other ladies are is basically guaranteed magazine work for life.

9:11

Pareene - But in marginally more cheerful news: the HIV travel ban might be lifted in 45 days! That is a good example of one of those things Barack Obama could've done on like day 1, to actually help the gays think he maybe cares. So one can see why maybe they are frustrated when he says they'll like him, on the whole, by the end of his presidency, which is a couple years away.

9:12

Pareene - Some of them want health and retirement benefits and civil rights NOW! They are so impatient, the gays. I think it is all the shopping they do, maybe.

9:13

Megan - Yes, I mean, who needs equal rights now, when Obama has health care to pass and statements to issue on the coup in Honduras? One thing at a time, people! He's not been in office that long! He can't change everything overnight, except the things he can and hasn't changed yet because he doesn't need to deliver them like a sop to a constituency he pissed off by allowing the Justice Department to compare their legitimate adult sexuality to incest.

9:17

Pareene - You know I am opposed to military coups in general, but I have to admit the idea of taking a leader who wants an unconstitutional additional term and placing him on a plane in his pajamas is slightly appealing to me as a resident of New York City.

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