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Chat With Dan Gottlieb
 
10:21
Moderator -  Dan will be here at noon.
12:00
Dan Gottlieb -  

Welcome everyone to today's chat. As many of you know, yesterday's column was about Tricia who is living every parents worst nightmare has her precious son took his life several months ago leaving Tricia, her husband and her daughter with a flood of emotions that feel overwhelming and out of control. Does one heal from this kind of catastrophe, and what does healing mean? Maybe more important, not everybody wants to heal.

I am honored by the gift Tricia has given us by joining this chat and opening her story. And hopefully we will hear from Tricia and maybe even her family beyond today's Web chat.

Tricia bless your heart for doing this. Two questions -- how are you feeling right now/this minute, and tell us why you are opening up your story to us?
12:02
trishdish -  Hi, Dan, and everyone,

My emotions and feelings change from day to day, some days are okay and some days I very much miss my son and friend, Kenny. The reason why I am doing this is that I want to get his story out and I want to increase awareness of the stigma against mental illness. My hope is for those suffering from mental illness not to be embarrassed by it, to speak openly about it, and to seek the help that they need because mental illness can be managed.
12:05
Dan Gottlieb -  

Tricia there is so much I want to talk about, the stigma and what we can do about it. I also want you to introduce us to Kenny, what kind of child he was and how and what he suffered with. But first, I want to get to know you a bit better. Tell me a bit about how you are feeling this minute, doing this web chat, anticipating the next question.
12:10
[Comment From Lauren Agoratus]
I just want to thank both of you, Dr. Dan and Tricia, for doing this-there's such a tremendous need.
12:10
[Comment From Joanne Johnson]
I cannot attend this show bec I am off to work at 12 noon. I can tell you what a courageous and stellar family Trish, Kurt and Kaitlyn have been thru this difficult situation...bec I know them personally. My question is why don't school systems teach about mental health issues when they are suppose to be kids friendly?
12:10
trishdish -  

Dan, I am seeing people joining this webchat and I feel grateful that they are joining this conversation. I also feel grateful to my good friends and those who were there to support us. But mostly I feel lonely. I miss Kenny, I miss him so much, he was the kid who went out on errands with me, he was my buddy, and when he couldn't go to school, he was always the one who  wanted to be with me. There's a huge hole in my heart where he lives. It's never going to be fixed, ever, I'm trying to come to grips with that, and I'll always feel that pain. I know where the term broken heart comes from because I feel physical pain, right here, right in my heart. It does make me feel good to have this chance to tell our story, and hopefully bring about some changes, even if they are small changes, in our part of the world, those who have loved ones with mental illness.

12:13
Dan Gottlieb -  

Don't know if you are familiar with the term "phantom pain" that many amputees experience. It is excruciating pain right where the missing limb used to be. Your pain is right where Kenny used to be.
12:16
Dan Gottlieb -  

Tricia after I typed that last sentence, I just sat there in silence not knowing what to say. That really is the truth of this kind of pain, to be honest and to be open means to not know what to say

. When I had my accident, lots of people said lots of things that were not helpful. And then a cousin came into my room and just looked at me and cried and said those words: "I don't know what to say." That made me feel less alone.

 

v

12:16
trishdish -  Yes, I know that term. You're right. It's true. Even though Kenny died six months ago, it feels like it could have been yesterday. People ask me how many kids do you have, and I answer two, but what am I supposed to say? And when I say one of them passed away, many people feel awkward, they say they're sorry for my loss, but then what? Most will get off the topic quickly. It's hard for me to see young moms out there with their little blond-haired boys, their towheads, because it's like turning back the clock to when Kenny was my little boy.   As for the pain, it will always be there.
12:17
Dan Gottlieb -  

Please tell us about Kenny, what was he like before he got ill?
12:19
trishdish -  

Kenny was a great kid who was respectful to all adults, was loved by all kids, no matter what age or what group they belonged to. He was a hard worker, he struggled with dyslexia so everything he did he school he had to work twice as hard as his peers to keep up, but he kept his spirits up about that. In middle school if he didn't finish his homework at night, he would set his alarm clock for five in the morning to wake himself up to finish it. He used to swim six days a week. He was the star swimmer. He was smart. He was so gifted in math. Everybody loved Kenny.

12:22
Dan Gottlieb -  

He sounds like he was happy and healthy back then, even showing some signs of resilience -- ability to cope with his own adversities. What happened next?
12:25
trishdish -  Looking back, when he was young, there were little signs of his anxiety, for example, when he first learned playing soccer, he expected himself to be perfect and when he wasn't he walked off the field and into the woods.  

The problems really began his  freshman year of high school,  and he was 15 years old. He was the swim star and taking honors courses and I personally think that it was the pressure of the work that caused him to be anxious, sleepless, which brought on the depression.
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