COVERITLIVE.COM

11:46

MissConduct - Hello, everyone! I'll be online at noon--you can send questions (or comments, or snatches of random insight, or anything, really) in now, if you like.

11:59

[Comment From Ken Sylva]
Conduct is every moment that you are awake. Not just what you do at a dinner party.

12:00

[Comment From Ken Sylva]
(opps, I was not meaning that to be the end). I miss civility. I really wish there was a campaign to bring it back. We can have liberty with civility. Driving civility would make things better. Simple rule "don't do anything to a person in a car that you would not do in person".

12:02

MissConduct - A good point--although technology makes it easier for us to make mistakes. I was in Kansas City last week, and while I think there are plusses and minuses to social norms in both KC and Boston, they are FAR superior in good driving manners out there. One thing that impressed me was that the one time I had to be the big schmuck--because it was raining hard, and I couldn't see the sign I was looking for in time, so I cut people off--most people waved me on with a smile, like they understood what happened. It was nice to be given credit for my good intent even if I had done something wrong.

12:02

[Comment From veronica]
driving civility I think would be accomplished if we were all forced to be pedestrians for a year....I'm a much better driver after spending 3 years dodging cars in Brooklyn

12:03

MissConduct - Boston pedestrians can be pretty bad too, though!

12:03

[Comment From veronica]
well this is a bit of random insight: a woman I graduated from HS with has already been married and divorced before age 24....and instead of being all "woe is me", she's grabbing life by the horns and telling everyone that she LIKES being single right now and that we should all keep our comments to ourselves. and she has the envy of women she knows who have been married 10+ years and never had the strength to leave. I suppose we should file this under "never make assumptions about anyone's happiness or sense of self-worth"

12:04

MissConduct - I was also married and divorced by 24, and I agree that it doesn't have to get in the way of a good life!

12:05

MissConduct - People define success differently as individuals, and also define it differently at different points in their lives.

12:06

MissConduct - Which makes studying success--which is something I'm trying to do for other projects I'm working on--a tricky proposition! What's your definition of success? Has it changed over time?

12:07

[Comment From Not Happy]
My husband and I are going through a rough time right now. Our friends and family are starting to ask very personal questions. How do we politely tell people to "back off"?

12:08

MissConduct - "I appreciate your concern, but we're finding it best not to discuss it right now. If there's anything you can do, believe me, I'll let you know!" This 1) tells the person it was okay to ask, 2) shows that you and your husband are still on the same page as far as telling people goes, and 3) lets them know that you'll ask for help if you need it, so they don't have to keep nudging you.

12:09

[Comment From veronica]
growing up I wanted to be married with a kid by now....now that i'm 25, I realize I'm wholly unprepared for either. I'm content to have two degrees under my belt...would be more content if I had a job but that's what makes this life and not a fantasy

12:10

MissConduct - 25 probably seemed a lot more grown up when you were a kid than it does now. 42 seemed a lot more grown up when I was 25 than it does now, too.

12:12

MissConduct - ... and, here's a poll about success (see below):

12:13

[Comment From Elly]
I feel like this makes me look like a snob, but I'm going to mention it anyways. I work in a small office of about 15 people. Every Monday morning, everyone asks me how my weekend was and what I did. Then as Thursday rolls around, everyone starts asking me what I'm doing this weekend. And then they all ask again on Friday. Of course, I'm not the only one being asked, everyone asks everyone. I'm starting to get annoyed by this for some reason, because I rarely do anything interesting on the weekends that's worth talking about. Plus I feel like the same people ask me several times (especially the future plans one). I just feel like the questions are too inquisitive... thoughts?

12:14

MissConduct - This is a normal part of office conversation. Get used to it. And don't worry about being thought a snob; your use of "anyways" took care of that.

12:14

[Comment From veronica]
while checking off my to do list makes me feel better in the short run, I don't want my life run by lists

12:15

MissConduct - Lists can help you get to places ... but it's a good idea to look up from the list occasionally and see what else is out there, and ask yourself if you still want to to where you were planning to. At least that's what I've found.

12:15

[Comment From Mansfield Mom]
Robin - just want to let you know I'm loving your book. I just started the Kids chapter - my favorite topic. Really, it is excellent. I think I'm going to have to read it twice.

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